Posts tagged ‘movies’

March 11, 2010

Vengeance of the Twitter Knight: How ta be Behind at Bein’ Ahead of the Game

Yeah, yeah, ya just can’t wait ta hear what I have ta say about that BRILLIANT question ya sent in back in 2003. But yer gonna hafta wait! ‘Cause I never did learn how ta do things in “a timely manner,” whatever THAT means. So today, it’s all about that fun game we play, called…

Asked and Answered in 140 Characters Er Less

Part IV: The Neoandersonozoic Division (Ah, that time of peace and prosperity when Keanu Reeves ruled the Earth. Remember that? Nah, me neither. Zing!)

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 asks: who would win in a fight superman or batman ?????????? please me n my sis have been fighting over tis for 2 years.

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 Superman, unless Batman had him some Kryp-to-NITE, as illustrated in The Best Macro Ever:

@aristeia: @Ask_Deadpool Ironic… most people choose Batman winning versus anyone. I hate Supes, but I love that macro like whoa.

@aristeia Yeah, ‘s kinda hard ta argue against th’ GODDAMN BATMAN.

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 asks: what happens if you call 1 300 deadpoo

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 You really do get a t-shirt! Or Taskmaster comes ta yer house and beats ya up. One or th’ other. Who can say which it’ll be?

@Lachdanan_ asks: Did you go and see the movie District 9? If so, what did you think of it?

@Lachdanan_ Nah, haven’t gotten ta see that one yet. Didja like it? Tell me if it’s worth a watch!

@gil_garcia asks: why do you have such lame people asking stupid questions?

@gil_garcia Cause I’m like a movie star – they love me SO MUCH, when they get aroun’ me they’re all flustered an’ can’t think’a complex stuff

@Kil1ertofu: @Ask_Deadpool We’re too intimidated by your awesomeness to ask coherent questions.

@Kil1ertofu SEE I KNEW IT.

@MadiRuss asks: Just curious, why do you point your toes so much when you fight? Is it a ballet thing or are you just naturally graceful?

@MadiRuss Ninjas do that when they ninj so they can poke dudes in the eye while fightin’ – An I’m just the ninjaest ninja that ever ninjed

@thnksfrthmmrz asks: if i actually get to ask you questions…. WHO THE FUCK IS RED HULK?

@thnksfrthmmrz All I can say is we’re only a coupla issues inta th’ story an’ I can tell already that it’s all gonna end in tears. TEARS.

@thnksfrthmmrz: @Ask_Deadpool tears? well that’s unfortunate.

@thnksfrthmmrz Maybe they’ll be tears a’laughter. You never know.

@xXBlackVirusXx asks: why do things go missing in the laundry room & was it you that stole my new panties?I just gotem 2

@xXBlackVirusXx I blame the Eater of Socks. As does Terry Pratchett. He’s one smart dude. And…well…maybe…Hey, I needed a clean pair!

@smittytang asks: when exactly is hasbro releasing the official deadpool mighty mugg?…I NEED IT,

@smittytang Actually, I dunno, but when they do, c’n someone send me one? I’m broke again. Stupid pirates who steal from other pirates!

@bairdduvessa asks: u are probably sick of this..but what does this merger with Disney mean for you?

@bairdduvessa It means I’m stockpilin’ some weapons fer the inevitable moment when I’ll haveta go an’ TAKE OUT TH’ MOUSE. Stupid Disney.

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 asks: disney bought marvel …. ????? what does that mean for you ???? im so confused

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 Never fear, young padawan, all will become clear shortly. When the Mouse’s chalk outline appears in my next storyline.

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 Either that er a team-up: The Merc w/a Mouth & Mad-Eye Mickey, th’ Maddest Mouse in the Midwest: Together, they fight crime!

@rogue_1102 asks: I’m finding it hard to picture the Mouse in your duds….are you a D.D fan? 🙂

@rogue_1102 Ya know, I’m findin’ that hard ta picture, too. Awright, all you artsy types – GET DRAWIN’ – I wanna see Deadpool Mickey, NOW!

@Xanapanda asks: So what do you think of Disney buying Marvel, Pooly?

@Xanapanda I think findin’ 12 ways ta answer this question is th’ best part. Also: if they eff w/my mad skillz I’m gonna CUT A BITCH.

@zareonianwolf asks: Wade! Any news on the movie front?

@zareonianwolf *sniff* No. Haven’t heard from my buddy Ry in weeks. Hope he’s not too busy BEING GREEN to remember me!

@death_by_avid asks: which Disney character would make the best sidekick for you?

@death_by_avid Hey, that’s a good one! Uh – Scrooge McDuck – he’s a tough ol’ nut AND he’s a gazillionaire. I c’d totally use that.

@Xaphnea asks: Hey Wade, you sad the mannequin came to her untimely end so soon?

@Xaphnea It was fun while it lasted. An’ the blind broad wasn’t so bad either – but she was srsly lacking as an homage to my good buddy Al

@gil_garcia asks: I guess with the recent Disney purchase, is there a possibility I could see you kill Hannah Montana in the movies???

@gil_garcia HEY SIGN ME UP FER THAT CROSSOVER WHUT WHUT. Hellz yeah. Also: The Cheetah Girls.

@Kil1ertofu asks: Boxers, Briefs, or the best game of strip poker ever?

@Kil1ertofu ‘s that even a choice? Then again, who’s playin’ poker with me? If it’s the Blob, I’ll pass!

@Blazefire33 asks: Hi Deadpool, big fan, i just wanted what your favorite podcast about you is?

@Blazefire33 Hey man, ya know, I don’t listen ta those much, but I hear yours is pretty good.

@Mark_Currie asks: Your very own Deadpool comic? …Don’t you already have like 10 different comics?

@Mark_Currie Yeah, but *I* ain’t writin’ any a’those! This one’d be by ME.

@CabaSafado asks: Are you talking to yourself or do you see little yellow boxes, too?

@CabaSafado Th’ little boxes told me not ta tell ya. Shhhhh.

@WillMacklinShow asks: Coke or Pepsi?

@WillMacklinShow Chocolate milkshakes with sprinkles, dude. Chili’s has got some good ones.

@pandora114 asks: thinking bout getting a tat done of U, where n what should U be sayin? (I’m a chick)

@pandora114 Dunno where, but I vote fer one’a my favorites: “My common sense is tingling.” A la this pic:

@freaks173 asks: What are you going as for Halloween this year?

@freaks173 Seein’ as Tasky already dressed up as me, I figured I’d return th’ favor. Then I’ll hit on all the gals fer him. Score!

@ToughTom asks: Why are you my all time hero?

@ToughTom ‘Cause of that thing I can do with two socks and a falafel. And a spatula.

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 asks: who is Blind Al??

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 Th’ lore a’the common folk says she was my prisoner/den mother/whosiwhatsit, but I say mostly she was a pain in my ass!

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 I miss that crazy ol’ woman. Maybe I’ll sneak inta her room while she’s sleepin’ an visit. Hey, it works fer vampires!

@M1A1DA asks: What hotel should I stay at in Las Vegas?

@M1A1DA The Bellagio, dude. YOU CAN’T ARGUE WITH DANCIN’ FOUNTAINS. …That sounded totally gay, didn’t it?

@RelayHuntersCrk asks: what do you think we can do, as non-superheroes, to help obliterate cancer?

@RelayHuntersCrk ‘S a tough one. Well fer one thing, I guess we c’n give more money ta the scientist-dudes. I’ll donate my last haul!

@RelayHuntersCrk An’ then maybe we c’n throw all the tobacco companies inta the ocean, yeah? Hm.

@RelayHuntersCrk An’ tell people ta eat better:

@RelayHuntersCrk I’d go visit th’ kids at th’ hospitals and try ta cheer ’em up, but I think it might scare ’em more…

@RelayHuntersCrk I’m such a nice mercenary, ain’t I? Don’ tell anyone, though, k? I got my rep ta think of!

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 asks: should i put you on my superheros list or should i make a anihero list???

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 Mercenaries got their own list, babe! It’d be too confusin’ allus having ta switch us from the “heroes” ta “villains” list.

@pandora114 asks: Question, if you were to get it on with Lady Deadpool, would that be incest or masturbation? or what?

@pandora114 Ya know what it’d be? A WHOLE LOTTA FUN, that’s what. But I think @robertliefeld may already have called dibs. SADFACE. D:

@bairdduvessa asks: can u give me some money so i can start my life over AND get an Outlaw tattoo?

@bairdduvessa Abso-freakin-lutely, dude! Send me your bank account info an’ passwords an’ all, an’ I will deposit some cash toot sweet!

@bairdduvessa: @ask_deadpool sure all my bank passwords are alex>wade 😛

@bairdduvessa WHATEVER, FEEB.

An’ now, back ta my regularly scheduled infomercial-watching. Catch ya on the flip side, my freaky friends!

March 9, 2010

What’s That Thing You Do? We Love That Thing You Do! Do You? We Do! Ooh!

Ooh, another post’a questions I already answered on that thing they call Twitter. I’m so lazy, it’s nearly unbelievable! ‘Cept I know you’ll b’lieve just about anything of me. Like you’ll b’lieve I’m gonna answer yer questions in my next post. SWEAR.

But fer now, it’s time fer…

Asked and Answered in 140 Characters Er Less

Part III: The Achean Eon (That time when I said painfully ridiculous things in answer ta yer questions. Wait…that mighta been every eon. Whatever.)

@omgzombieswtf asks: Who’s the better current writer of you: Daniel Way or Mike Benson? Both brilliant bastards!

@omgzombieswtf I gotta say BENSON. Danny boy’s ok, but I’ll never fergive him fer Pool-o-vision. My brain’s a LOT more crazy than THAT.

@ConanSlew asks: Oye Deadpool! Sabes hablar español?

@ConanSlew (& this goes fer all y’all from foreign parts) Wish I did, but th’ part’a my brain that knows 50 languages is still regeneratin’.

@Jinxrave asks: Pirates or Ninjas? You can only choose one!

@Jinxrave Pirates, a’course. I’M a ninja, so I got no use fer more a’them around here. But I love guys who go, “Yaaarrrrrr” at everythin’.

@prescribeddrone asks: Do chongas like chimichangas?

@prescribeddrone Damned if I know – maybe ya should head down ta Miami an’ ask one.

@ToughTom asks: Whats your advice for training a zombie head of yourself?

@ToughTom Ya know, I’d start with LOTSA practice biting and headbutting. I mean, my zombie head rocks, but it’s got a kinda small skillset

@ToughTom We’re workin’ on our own “fastball special,” though – an’ ours is WAY better than the original.

@PissOnYouBitch asks: hey i got a question. what would have you thought of bruce campbell playing you in a movie back when he was younger

@PissOnYouBitch Bruce Campbell is a BAMF, so sure. Only thing I’d worry ’bout is his tendency ta kill zombies. I like my zombie head!

@EXISTunicornsDO asks: Zombies or vampires?

@EXISTunicornsDO ZOMBIES Gotta stick with fam’ly, right? My zombie head rocks OK, now who’s gonna ask me ’bout ninja zombie pirate robots?

@HellrazerHD is confused: He says: Now I’ve seen everything … someone posing as the red and black attack on twitter.

@HellrazerHD No posin’ here, man. I’m the real deal. I got the scars ta prove it.

@HellrazerHD: @ask_deadpool good because the last guy I met dressed as deadpool was about 400 pounds and couldn’t speak a lick of english. makes u wonder

@HellrazerHD Wonder no more, my friend. Anyway, that was just Agent X messin’ with ya. He stole my *stretchy* uniform from Heroes Reborn.

@Mark_Currie asks: Ninja zombies or Pirate robots? Or Ninja robots? Or Pirate zombies?

@Mark_Currie Radioactive Teenage Samurai Robot Wombats, a’course!

@jamesdavidW asks: what happens when someone cuts off your head??? with a chainsaw

@jamesdavidW It smarts a little. ‘Specially after Bob puts my head back on my neck an’ it’s becomin’ attached ta me all over again.

@mrsmulwray asks: So, Deadpool, what are you going to get me for my birthday?

@mrsmulwray Go clubbin’ an’ I’ll take out a contract hit on ya. But the nice kind. Where all the guys hit on ya all night. You’ll love it!

@skeletontrees asks: so where are you taking me for our birthday on july 7? 😀

@skeletontrees Abraham Lincoln on a pogo stick, I forgot it’s our birthday in a few days! Uh, I gotta rappel down a mountain fer work.

@skeletontrees An’ then shoot somebody. Don’t ask. Wanna come? We can totally get chinese after the dude is dead.

@EXISTunicornsDO asks: Do you believe is unicorns??

@EXISTunicornsDO Nah, but I do believe in pictsies. Nasty little buggers! But handy in a fight!

@PissOnYouBitch asks: did you read your new series yet i picked it up today very nice by the way

@PissOnYouBitch What, you think I got time ta read all that – I gotta get my rockets ready fer tonight. BIG BOOM, BABY.

@CrazyInez asks: Hey Wade I gotta question for ya When ya pay me back for wreckin’ my apartment, are ya gonna throw in some diamond spurs?

@CrazyInez I was thinkin’ a’somethin’ a little more…intimate, baby. *wink wink*

@Xanapanda asks: Just out of curiosity how much would it cost me to have you take out someone?

@Xanapanda First rule’a merc werc is I don’t talk bout how much I charge fer merc werc on here. But we could conduct a private negotiation

@Xanapanda: @Ask_Deadpool Oh sorry. I’ll keep that in mind from now on! Don’t want you to hurt me the next time. ^^; So where shall it take place then?

@Xanapanda Ever been ta Manhattan? There’s a handy abandoned warehouse we could chat in…

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 asks: hey any news on deadpool movie havent looked in in a long time

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 Here’s th’ latest:

@miss_risible asks: So we’re wondering how RR will portray you, but what would YOU do if your boss [WHO U HATE(!!!)] proposed to YOU?!

@miss_risible Well I’m kinda freelance, but I think I’d fall on my ass if like, Nick Fury or Cable proposed ta me after hirin’ me…

@HellrazerHD asks: So is poolman a Mortal Kombat fan?

@HellrazerHD Well I WAS, until this whole Weapon XI thing…now I ain’t so sure. I guess I should blame FOX, not Mortal Kombat.

@Mark_Currie says: @Ask_Deadpool DC have stolen Ryan Reynolds away from us! You could kick Green Lantern’s cosmic butt any day.

@Mark_Currie Don’t I know it! I just hope #ryanreynolds is going to do BOTH. If he throws me over fer GL, we may be DONE, professionally.

@gil_garcia asks: is it just me or do you feel a little betrayed by Ryan Reynolds over his hiring as the Green Lantern?

@gil_garcia Weeeellll, I’m waitin’ ta see what #ryanreynolds says about it, ya know? If he’ll still play me too, it’s all good.

@NaTeSaUcE asks: yo wade! whats up? who’d be the last guy standing after a bar fight with you and wolvie? ya both gots the healin’ factors!

@NaTeSaUcE Ain’t gonna lie & say it’d be an easy fight, but I do have one thing Wolvie don’t have: a teleporter. Gives me th’ edge. So: ME

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 asks: how do you feel about renolds playing green lantern ????

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 I’m gonna be happy fer him unless it hurts MY movie – then I’ma gonna be PISSED. Anyway, #ryanreynolds looks good in green.

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 It brings out the seriousness in his eyes.

@Lachdanan_ asks: Who would win in a fight? Wolverine? or Darth Vader?

@Lachdanan_ Wolvie’s got the healing, but Vader’s got the Force. It’d be a standoff: Vader’d just create a Force field to keep Wolvie away

@YouTubeDeadpool: @Ask_Deadpool Yeah. Vader all the way. Force choke him to the nearest Airlock.

@YouTubeDeadpool A’course, if the question was ME vs. Vader, def. it’d be ME. But I can’t tell ya how I’d beat ‘im, or I’d hafta kill ya!

@feildmouse asks: why is the Suicide Kings mini so lame compared to all of your other books?

@feildmouse ‘Cause it’s not really me; it’s Tasky. Sh. Actually, I didn’t even read it yet. I’ll get back ta ya on how he screwed up later

@zareonianwolf asks: Hey Wade! Besides Ryan Reynolds, who do you think would do justice to you on the big screen?

@zareonianwolf Ya know, at this point, I don’t think I can think’a anybody else bein’ me…damn. #ryanreynolds better be able ta do it!

@fullofwhoa asks: Dear Deadpool, I do not actually own any of your comics. Where should I start?

@fullofwhoa We here at the Agency consider anything written by Joe Kelly, Fabian Nicieza, or Gail Simone to be Word of God.

@fullofwhoa So I’d try out Deadpool (1997) 1-33, Deadpool (1997) 65-69 and Agent X 1-15, Cable & Deadpool (2006) 1-50. But any are good.

@Blazefire33 asks: Yo Wade, what do you think of that podcast dedicated to you?

@Blazefire33 I think fans dedicating stuff ta me is freakin’ fantastic. Chimichanga!

@Mark_Currie asks: Hey Wade, I was wondering… what should I ask you?

@Mark_Currie Do I gotta do ALL the work aroun’ here? Heh. I dunno, ask me how behind I am on answering everyone’s questions. Answer: A LOT

@Mark_Currie But I swear I’m workin’ on it! In between the slicin’ an’ dicin’, ya know.

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 asks: hey any new updates on movie ?!?!?!?!?

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 No. *sniff* Has #ryanreynolds forgotten me because he likes green better? …NAH. I’m sure he’ll come through. HE’D BETTER.

RT @foresthouse DEADPOOL IN MAGNET WARS! Mwahaha!

@Lachdanan_ asks: How come I can’t find your comics at my local convince store I work at?

@Lachdanan_ ‘Cause Comic Book Guy *personally* threatened Apu Nahasapeemapetilon and ALL ‘is kind if they ever honed in on his territory

@Lachdanan_ #TRUFAX

@zareonianwolf asks: hey Wade! If you fought the Green Lantern, who’d win?

@zareonianwolf Depends, ya know? We talkin’ in th’ movies? ‘Cause that’d be just kinda existential an’ crap, me fightin’ myself…

@zareonianwolf But in th’ comics, ME, a’course. Even need ta ask? An’ he’d be damnin’ a lot more’n my lemonade

@xXBlackVirusXx asks: HEY DEADPOOL!I just how many licks does it take to get to the center of a jawbreaker? forget tootsiepops!

@xXBlackVirusXx No freakin’ clue. But ya know I built a sweet-ass gun when I was a li’l tyke, shot those things out like nobody’s biz

@xXBlackVirusXx I mean, those things’r HARD. They make ’em outta 100 year old chewing gum’r somethin’

@xXBlackVirusXx Ya know, th’ kind ya find on th’ bottom’a th’ seat at the movies? LIKE A ROCK.

@gil_garcia asks: will you be playing Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 when it releases next month, since you are in the game?

@gil_garcia Ya kiddin’? HELLS YEAH. Game me looks SWEET. …Oh, ‘cept I gotta wait til I score another gig ta get it. Money’s kinda tight.

@gil_garcia I mean, guess I c’d heist it on outta th’ store…but I don’t usually steal stuff unless I’m gettin’ paid. Or it’s fun. Or…

Whew! Well that was a lotta typin’ I didn’t actually just do. Tune in next time, fer Wolverine’s special guest appearance on the ol’ blog!*

* Wolverine not actually appearing.

November 25, 2009

Llamas are Llame, an’ So Am I. Llet’s go to Llamedos!

Yeah yeah, I know I totally made fun’a those journals that post all their hollas (aka “tweets” SO LAME) an’ whatever, but one’a my fans out there thinks I oughta be postin’ my Twitter Asked and Answered stuff on here along with all the regular posts, sooooooo…hey, sounds good ta me!

(Pls. note the Asked and Answered Hollas will be separate from Merc Werc: The Deadpool Way. ‘Cause that’s just how I roll.)

Asked and Answered in 140 Characters Er Less

Part I: The Cablezioc Era (e.g. the first posts, from the time when Cablesaurs first roamed the earth. (I mean, he is pretty damned old, right? I bet he knew some dinosaurs.))

@_jynx asks: how do you REAAAAALLY feel about Cable?

@Ask_Deadpool: I can’t tell you because this is a PG twitter…

@rockafire asks: Why did you let FOX mess with your character for the movie?


@The_Perry850 asks: why yellow caption boxes?

@Ask_Deadpool: Because pink is so passe. An’ ’cause if I used black boxes, no one could read ’em. Not t’mention Black Box was kinda fruity.

@Steven1138 asks: whats ur favorite movie DP?

@Ask_Deadpool: T’day I can finally answer this: what’s my fav’rite movie? One where I am a STAR an’ they actually get my origins RIGHT. WOO

@smittytang asks: when are you getting your own movie? i hear (hear being used for sake of legalities) you got pooped on in the wolverine one

@Ask_Deadpool: THE TIME IS NOW, DUDE. DEADPOOL! WINS! (Thank ya, ItsJustSomeRandomGuy). I have ARRIVED. Quick, get me star-shaped sunglasses!

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 asks: are you exited your not dead and your gong to have your own movie?:):)

@Ask_Deadpool: You kiddin? I was so excited when I heard th’news, I bought th’whole office tacos! ‘Cept fer Agent X. I got him a salad. Hah!

@Ask_Deadpool: In case any a’you feebs didn’t hear already, I’M GETTIN’ MY OWN MOVIE. I just drank 9 gallons a’vodka t’celebrate. Am feelin’ a slight buzz.

@Mark_Currie: Congrats! You got your own moooovie baby!

@Ask_Deadpool: Thanks, man. I’m so super psyched about this. God, I hope I get at least one hot chick in my movie. Copycat, anyone? Blue is in

@GRHII: Congrats, I am excited. I hope they fix they holes they created in X-Men origins!

@Ask_Deadpool: Dude, I’d go further than that. I hope they f’rget X-Men Origins even existed. ‘Cept fer the parts with the badass katana work!

@__Davros__ asks: Hey! Have you still been stitched up?

@Ask_Deadpool: The truth is, as they say in show biz, THE CAKE IS A LIE. There’s no WAY I’d have let some psycho jerk stitch up my mouth IRL.

@Ask_Deadpool: Not even if he bribed me with hot women and fast cars. NOPE.

@Ask_Deadpool: Unless they were REALLY hot women and REALLY fast cars. Or motorcycles. Ducati, represent!

@Mark_Currie asks: Out of all the hot chicks in your life, shouldn’t it be Siryn who’s in it? Or Blind Al =P

@Ask_Deadpool: Hey, man, I’m all for gettin’ Blind Al a lil part in this movie; I’d have nominated our beloved Bea fer the part, but…

@Ask_Deadpool: An’ as for Siryn – well HELLS YEAH. But see, I knew ‘Nessa before Theresa, an’ I kinda assumed they might go early canon here.

@Ask_Deadpool: Not that I should assume these feebs even know what canon is. But after I carve a little reminder into their chests, THEY WILL.

@Mark_Currie: Oh yeah I forgot about Copycat bein your gal before the ole Weapon X program (please don’t kill me).

@Ask_Deadpool: Nah, I don’t kill fans. In gen’ral. ‘Cause, y’know, maybe one day they’ll give me money or something’!

@StJoan: i’d give you rhubarb pie

@Ask_Deadpool: I’LL TAKE IT. Send it on over, c/o Sandi. But make sure it’s in a sealed container, or Agent X’ll smell it right away and eat it all

@GRHII asks: How sad are you? I know you truly loved her!

@Ask_Deadpool: I am sad, oh, I am so sad, OH! No, fer serious. I miss my Bea. 😦

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 asks: have you read the articles online about the deadpool movie???- my mom says they said some thing about it on tv

@Ask_Deadpool: Sandi cut out a couple’a articles on th’movie fer me – any in partic. I should be lookin’ at?

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 asks: do you want cable in the deadpool movie? i dont too confusing

@Ask_Deadpool: Well, I’m not gonna lie – I do kinda like hangin’ out with the big schlub, when he’s not being a total drag…

@Ask_Deadpool: But…yeah, if they try t’explain even a 100th of his origins, we’d be sittin’ in the movie fer 10 days confused ta death.

@Ask_Deadpool: So: only if the writers were very clever but still managed to not make stupid shit that’s not even close to the comics up.

@ToughTom asks: So would you rather steal another smooch from Black Widow 2 or get to kick Osborn in the nuts as many times as you want?

@Ask_Deadpool: Eh, I can kick Osborn in the nuts anyday without his say-so, but kissin’ a willin’ Black Widow? Now THAT you can’t do ev’ry day!

@Ask_Deadpool: AND NOW I’M IN ANOTHER VIDEO GAME, FEEBS! What’s with the boots, yo? I haven’t worn those since I was, like, 16!

@Ask_Deadpool: Still. I AM BADASS, HEAR ME BLOW SHIT UP. MWAHAHAHAHA. And they gave me plenty a’ordnance ta do it with, too! *bounces*

@Mark_Currie: Those boots are AWFUL.

@Ask_Deadpool: Hey, I *said* I haven’t worn ’em since I was 16! (I know, man, I know. But hey, everything else looks sweet.)

@EdWaRdSgIrL4: nice boots ???=) goin hiking soon ??? =)

@Ask_Deadpool: Watchyer wisecracks, missy. At least the rest’a me looks pretty damn good. 😉

@gil_garcia: awww no laser eyes??!!! hahaha jk. thanks for sharing the screenshots. that game looks badass!

@Ask_Deadpool: THANK EVERYTHING (laser eyes, hrmph *grumblegrumblegrumble*) Unless they included ’em as a special Doofus Achievement or sumpin.

@gil_garcia: ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: Good ol’ FOX (Kill 0 enemies with Deadpool’s laser ability)- 10 points

@Ask_Deadpool: Hah, sweet! Or, like, “accidentally kill 20 enemies by landing on ’em in combat boots” or somethin’. (Wait, I’ve done that…)

@JLopezCostume: doc martens needed a plug?

@Ask_Deadpool: rassmfrssm PRODUCT PLACEMENT. Man. Next thing ya know, we’re gonna end up with one’a these in the game

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 asks: “is the game gona be any good”

@Ask_Deadpool: Hey, I ain’t no soothsayer; so I asked that dude in the mirror from MUA 1 (Grampy? You so grumpy!) an’ he said HELLS YEAH.

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 asks: “by the way who is Foresthouse”

@Ask_Deadpool: That’s a top military secret. (Hint: wise grasshoppers can learn a lot from a profile page:

@inferno232 asks: Hey, my last name is ‘Pool’! And some call you the ‘Pool’! Can I file a cross dimensional lawsuit? Please?

@Ask_Deadpool: Tchya, good luck with that. Outlaw’s an Internet Lawyer with a BIG gun collection. I send her after any guys who try ta sue me.

@Ask_Deadpool: Anyway, everyone knows I been around longer than most. So I gots prior claim or whatever legal wibbity-wob they use fer that.

@inferno232: In order to to avoid embarrassment and multiple gunshot wounds, I yield to your logic, Mr. Wilson. May your movie not suck.

@Ask_Deadpool: Awright, I accept your surrender. Anyway, I do try not ta shoot my fans unless it’s really necessary. So yer safe for now!

@KarenB88 asks: Who do I need to threaten to get more Deadpool animated cartoon goodness?

@Ask_Deadpool: I heard some sorta rumor that if ya write letters ta Marvel tellin’ them ya want more glorious animated me, ya might get some.

@Ask_Deadpool: FYI: Marvel Address to Write To for More Animated Deadpool Goodness:

@gil_garcia asks: do you think it’s a coincidence that Marvel hired Reynolds to play you and Scarlett Johannson to play Black Widow????

@Ask_Deadpool: I think the world’a movies is a mysterious, mysterious place. An’ that ScarJo secretly wants ta cameo in my movie.

@Ask_Deadpool: Too bad fer her my rendezvous with Black Widow only just happened! I wouldn’t bet on tha writers using anything that recent.

An’ on that note, th-th-th-th-that’s all fer now, folks!

Tune in next time, fer more old news, an’ possibly some new answers. WHO KNOWS?

November 8, 2009

Jiminy Cricket on a Highwire, I’m Such a Slacker! Sorry!

Hey there, my brilliantly bouncy borschts (say that three times fast!). Guess what day it is? Well, it’s my friend’s birthday. But MORE IMPORTANTLY, it’s th’ day that I answer some’a yer questions – startin’ with th’ ones that were submitted back in what may have been the Mesozoic era. Oops. Sorry ‘bout that. Got a lot of excitement at th’ Agency these days, what with all these other me’s wanderin’ around eatin’ alla Bob’s bagels and sayin’ how good they look in their uniforms. Also it’s Tasky’s turn ta decorate th’ office (I never said people could have turns, but apparently he’s all miffed that everybody else got ta do it an’ he hasn’t yet. Next thing I know, BOB is gonna want ta decorate. Odin help us all if that happens!) an’ he’s decided ta tear everythin’ up before he puts in whatever fancy-schmancy posh décor he’s got swimmin’ around in his Queer Eye For The Straight Guy brain (I shoulda NEVER let him watch reality TV!). So we got carpets and upended chairs and Loki knows what all around th’ place right now. MAN.

Anyway. On ta th’ questions.

drownthemoon asks:

Holy hot ham and cheese on rye! I have enough questions to number them now!

1. If you had to choose one weapon from your sexy large arsenal as your favorite, which would it be?

2. Other than the smiley faces, and the Deadpool motif, what other designs do your boxers have?

3. What is your favorite flavor of cake? Furthermore, what sort of frosting do you prefer?

4. Is a cattle prod an acceptable method of enticing someone to keep from repeating the same romantic behavior?

5. Why don’t you have a harem yet?

Hot hijinks with a hausfrau! Yet another handful of numbered questions! Color me *surprised*! And psyched. And impressed with my own alliteration. Now then…

1. Ooh, this is a tough one. But I gotta say, ya know…I think it’d be the sais. I mean, sure, the katanas’re standard around here, but fer sheer looks, sais are pretty goshdarned awesome. An’ ya know, they also got three times as much pointyness per hilt. As my old friend Al would say (not the blind one, th’other one!), “ain’t that a kick in th’ pants?!” Or in this case, a poke.

P.S. Ooh, and can I choose “sais with decorative grenades on th’ handles,” or is that cheating? ‘Cause this one time, in Panama, I found these wicked sais with little grenades swingin; off th’ hilts, an’ MAN, those things were adorable. And handy. At least until I accidentally armed one while I was slashin’ some mook with it. Ouchie!

2. Ummm…ahhh…hang on a minute, k?

OK, I’m back! Had ta go hunt down Bob and the clean laundry basket (Bob’s good with th’ laundry. Almost as good as he is with th’ baking!). Lessee here, now…I gots some hearts, some clovers (Agent Casey ain’t the only one with th’ luck a’the Irish!), Daffy Duck, uhhh…what the…? ’pparently I got a pair with little recycling symbols on ‘em? Huh. I think Tasky’s tryin’ that “subliminal message” stuff on me again. He’s so prissy about stuff like garbage. Anyway. I got, hm, I got two sets with eyes on ‘em (blue AND green!) an’ a pair with cowboy hats. An’ the ones with grenades, an’ the ones with aces an’ dice, an’…man, it’s amazin’ I ever run out, isn’t it? An’ yet I always find myself havin’ ta resort ta th’ yellow panties after awhile. Funny.

3. My fav’rite flavor of cake is cake. Same goes fer th’ frostin! But, ya know, if yer question was, “if there were 100 different flavors of cake all spread out on a table in front’a you, which one would ya eat first?” then my answer would be…those big round cookie cakes you c’n get at the mall! With the icing that they put on them, whatever that stuff is. SCRUMPTIOUS.

4. If yer usin’ a cattle prod ta *entice* someone, I think yer love life’s a little on the kinky side. But if yer tryin’ ta keep them from doing somethin’ ya don’t like – cattle prods’re ok, but I say nothin’ beats a straight-up taser!

5. They’re on backorder from Russia. SOURFACE. (X^(

Next up…amejisuto wonders:

Dear Deadpool,

Any good movie or TV show reviews? What does a mercenary watch when he’s not working? On the flip side, any show or any character that you hate? My friends and I have fun discussing how we’d kill off annoying characters we can’t stand, have you ever done that?

Yeah, I’m twisted and evil. But a couple of these characters really annoy the hell out of me so I simply must wish that they’d be in a horrible industrial accident and get squashed by a shipping container while at the docks.

How much would something like that cost anyway? LOL


Ah, Ame, ma cherie, I’ve missed you! Wouldst thou go with me…to Detroit? No? Ah, awright, then; I’ll just answer yer questions. Ya know, I don’t know where the cool kids go fer reviews, but I hear foresthouse is maybe thinkin’ of doin’ some one’a these days. An’ I know cleolinda does some kick-ass recaps. Check ‘em out!

Around the Agency, I always gotta wrestle Tasky fer the remote (him an’ his pickin’ up new skills from TV. What’s with that? That’s not the point of TV!) but when I win, I watch…uh, pretty much everything. Does it ruin my street cred if I admit ta watchin’ Gossip Girl? ‘Cause I’m all about that evil schemin’ Blair chick. SHAZAM. But I gotta say, it’s gettin’ a little less fun an’ frisky these days. Hrmph. What else is on the clicker Mondays? Ah, gotta love House. That twisted genius. Man, he cracks me up. An’ FOX was totally S-M-R-T fer putting that show Lie to Me on next ta House – ‘cause now I gotta watch that one too. I mean, it’s got a hot redhead an’ everything! An’ then there’s Castle – true, the dialogue ain’t quite as snappy as me an’ Cable on a Saturday night, but hey, it’s Nathan Fillion. You gotta watch Nathan Fillion. If only fer the Best Firefly Shoutout Ever in the Halloween ep. Guess I’m not the only one who hangs onta old costumes fer years!

And, uh…ooh, I love me some Bones. Kinda reminds me of th’ good ol’ days when *I* was one half of a buddy movie team – ‘cept fer th’ part where me an’ Cable didn’t forensically solve crimes an’ stuff. Eh, close enough. Oh, and can’t ferget Supernatural – talk about blastin’ away and slicin’ an’ dicin’ things! Not ta mention Action Figure Castiel a few weeks ago was worth th’ price of admission. An’ then there’s Smallville—wait, am I allowed ta admit I watch Smallville? Hey, Marvel lawyers! What’s the rule on me tellin’ everyone I like a show about DC characters? Is that kosher?

Oh. Yeah, yeah, okay, okay. …As a matter’a fact, Ame, I don’t watch Smallville. Nope! Never seen it, not even once. Not even the ep where the JLA walks away from a giant explosion all badass and sh*%. Which would have been totally cool ta watch, except that I never watched it!

But I *do* watch Psych. An’ it’s totally not fer Dule Hill’s cheekbones. Not at all! Just like why I watch Dexter an’ Dollhouse – it’s fer the characters!

An’ speakin’a characters, yeah, there are some I’d like ta see take a long walk off a short pier. With cement shoes. Lessee, now; if I was killin’ characters, Jenny Humphrey would have a tragic curlin’ iron accident – ya know th’ kind where yer hair accidentally goes up in flames? An’ if she wasn’t already leavin’ th’ show, Thirteen would be accidentally poisoned fer sure – I mean hey, poetic justice an’ all that, right? After all, she did kill that dude’s dog that one time. An’ I’d definitely knock off Emergency Backup Cop #2, whatever the hell his name is, on Castle. He’d have th’ most boring death possible, so they wouldn’t be able ta make an episode out of it. And…lessee…ooh yeah, whatshisface the annoying angel who keeps tryin’ ta get Dean ta be the Michael sword would get a short trip down ta The Pit. Oh, yeah.

As fer pricin’, well, if it was a character I couldn’t stand, I might could maybe consider a bit’a pro bono work, ya know?

Now then…Michelle Nieporte / Lady_Phantom asks via Twitter:

Hey, DP! I was wondering what your thoughts are on you being in the new Hulk Vs. Wolverine show?

Well, my phantasmic friend, I gotta say, not only am I super-psyched to *finally* be featured in animation as more than a second’s hallucination in ol’ Wolvie’s mind, but I’m also completely, totally, over-the-topally in love with th’ dude who did my voice-overs. Fer serious: Nolan North, I’m gonna hunt you down an’ buy you flowers an’ propose a lifelong business arrangement in which you do my voice-overs fer all my future animations (unless, a’course, *I’m* not too busy ta do ‘em). An’ then I’m gonna kidnap ya and run off ta Doctor Strange’s lair so’s he can work his crazy magic an’ send us back in time so’s you can do my voiceovers from Marvel Ultimate Alliance I, too. ‘Cause I don’t care how long I lived in San Francisco, I never sounded like a Californ-eye-aye surfer dude.

Oh, an’ as fer my actual screen time in the movie? I gotta say, animated me ROCKS. An’ should totally get a whole animated show of which he (I?) is (am? Man, this is so confusin’) th’ star.

Raise yer hand if you agree with me on this one. Yes? Good! ‘Cause at some comics convention ‘er another, the dude who worked on the Hulk DVD actually said that if enough fans wrote in ta say they wanted ta see more animated me, it might work! So why don’t ya all get out yer pencils (‘cause I know you’re kickin’ it old school) an’ write ta:

Marvel Studios
9242 Beverly Boulevard
Suite 350
Beverly Hills, CA 90210

To tell ‘em you think I should get my own animated movie!

An’ one more fer today. lady_of_mists writes:

Dear Deadpool:

A certain lovely, possibly a low level psionic being is temporarily out of work. At her previous job, she was paid a decent living wage. Now she is not making enough money to pay for Important Things in life — like Deadpool comics, movie tickets, Wii game systems, trips to England to stalk superheroes, or even brand name cookies. Should the certain LPALLPB take a job (if offered) which would pay much less than the job that she had before, but more than unemployment — or should she hold out for only the best of jobs as would suit her stature?

All the best! Lady_of_Mists

Well well, m’lady, we meet again. An’ as always, I got the perfect answer ta yer challengin’ question: there is nothing, nothing, NOTHING more important than bein’ able ta afford Deadpool comics. You do what you gotta do, little missy, ta get yer hands on those. Beg, borrow, steal, or take a job you ain’t too fond of, but don’t miss out on what makes life worth livin’. I mean it!

P.S. Also, eatin’, payin’ tha bills, an’ yes, Wii game systems are very, very important. So do what ya gotta do fer those, too, at least until somethin’ better comes along. Which it will. I mean, hell, I can’t even tell ya ‘bout some’a the crappy jobs *I* did while I was waiting (years. YEARS, I tell you) fer my character ta get bigger’n Ye Old Hairy Canadian Claw Master, but hey, it’s finally happened – I’ve hit the JACKPOT, baby; an’ you will too. Swear.

An’ that’s all I got time for today, folks. So until next time, keep ‘em pointy an’ polished!

May 20, 2009

Bob is Very, VERY Excited

Bonjour, my brilliant little banana cakes! Qu’est-ce qui se passe?

Y’know, I got no idea what that even means, but Outlaw’s decided she wants to learn French ta be all sophisticated and impress WB and whatever, ’cause last week they were at the mall pickin’ out boots an’ stuff and she swears he was eyein’ some haughty French chick’s holsters in Victoria’s Secret. Me, I’d be less amazed by him eyein’ one a’those A&F models they got wanderin’ around shirtless sometimes, but nobody asks me. Whatever the real story is, it’s been nothin’ but French on tape in the office sound system for the last three days, an’ even Bob’s gotten into the spirit. Yesterday he baked up some Battle Baguettes – they’re hard as a rock, but they make great stealth blackjacks. I gave one a try when Tasky came t’visit, and BOY, was he surprised.

As it so happens, I got a little down time right now (yeah, I know you thought you saw me down on the street th’other week, but y’know, who’s ta say I didn’t tell some other schmuck to go pretend t’be me fer awhile? Tasky was just whinin’ about how he needed a job), so I took a poll as t’what I oughta be doin’ just now. And the whole office said, “Get off yer lazy ass and answer some questions.” Well, ‘cept Tasky. He just told me ta go away before he stalked outta the joint. Sourpatch. We really gotta get him a girlfriend or somethin’. I wonder who we could hook ol’ skull-face up with…

Anyways, by popular consensus, I’ma gonna answer up a few questions now, an’ then I got a coupla announcements ta make.

Let’s start with this one…

amejisuto asks:

Dear Deadpool,

What are your top five favorite horror movies? You know, the ones that scared the bejeebus out of even you?

Happy Haunting!

Well first I gotta say, sorry it took me until now to answer this question from OCTOBER. The months, they just kinda slip by when you’re busy fighting zombies an’ tryin’ ta out-think Norman “Brush Waves” Osborn an’ stuff. So, y’know, happy totally belated Halloween and many happy cavities. Now, then, lessee – favorite horror movies? Well,there’s a lotta fun blood an’guts movies out there, an’ it’s real hard ta pick just five. So instead I’m gonna go with the top five movies I’d show to torture someone I’d just tied up with the horror of how BAD they are. ‘Cause there are some movies out there that are so bad that the fact they exist just plain scares the bejeebus outta me.

The first contestant fer the prize of horrible moviemaking is…

Kate & Leopold!

Yeah, the idea that this movie exists pretty much scares me every time I think on it. I mean, ok, say what you will about the new Wolverine movie, but at least it didn’t require Hugh Jackman to utter a line like this:

Are you suggesting, madam, that there exists a law compelling a gentleman to lay hold of canine bowel movements?

with a straight face. OR Liev Schreiber to go on fer ten minutes about dogs an’ rainbows an’ cracks in chairs until we were all bored stupid. (Betchy’all had forgotten Jackman an’ Schreiber starred in a movie t’gether before Wolverine. I WISH I COULD FERGET.)

An’ then there’s the fact that a movie containing a line like this:

Behold, rising before you, the greatest erection on the continent… the greatest erection of the age… the greatest erection on the planet!

somehow still failed ta be either funny or interestin’ fer more than three seconds at a time.

So, yeah – the knowledge that some yutz out there thought it would be a good idea to actually make this movie AND managed ta get it done totally horrifies me. As did Hugh’s crotchtacular pants.

Not ta mention that’s 118 minutes of my life I will. Never. Get. Back. Not even with a healing factor.

An’ ya know, while we’re on the subject a’scarily craptastic romance movies, can we talk about Tribute? I mean, kudos to Ms. Roberts fer gettin’ one a’her stories on the tiny screen, an’ I know sometimes Hallmark’s hard up fer things ta air, but COME ON. That movie was so bad, I actually stopped watchin’ it in favor a’shovelin’ off the couch (no small task, I c’n tell ya!). The “I sleep in my boxers” scene? The sledgehammer photoshoot? CAN WE GET A RESHOOT, HERE? Pref’rably one that doesn’t contain this?? (Except that the parts where people were tryin’ ta kill her were kinda fun.)

Ya know what scares me the most about this movie, though? That anyone thought it had the right t’be on the same channel as MY BELOVED BEA. HALLMARK, YOU ARE ON MY NAUGHTY LIST.

So enough with tha romance movies, ’cause ya know, I usually don’t even watch romance (that’s Tasky!). Next up on the list has gotta be Nick of Time. You wanna talk awful cinema? This is the vid ta pop in the ol’ machine. Here we got 90 minutes of Johnny Depp (completely amazin’ actor!) runnin’ around tryin’ ta be a hero, and it’s the most boring thing I ever seen. An’ that includes the time some mobster mook buried me up ta th’neck in cement fer a week an’ all I had ta look at was a dead beetle decayin’. (Word ta the Wise: Don’t piss off the Maggia. They get their feelins hurt, they’re worse than Christian Bale when you ruin his scene (an’ they don’t even have the panache ta tell you you’re *&@$! DONE, PROFESSIONALLY before they stick yer ass in the wet concrete. Low-class schmucks.)) Th’best part a’this whole movie was the scene where the senator or whatever’s about ta get shot and she does this panicked double-take tryin’ ta find out where the shooter is. MAN, me an’Weas actually fell off the couch laughin’ at that scene. I kinda don’t think that was the goal a’the producers, though.

What’r we up to now, #4? OK, #4: Wild Wild West. It’s a movie about the old West. With a giant freakin’ mechanical spider runnin’ around. WHUT? I honestly forget what the hell else happens, except fer the part where Will Smith rapped in a movie he was in, AGAIN. (I was amazed he didn’t bust out with some lyrics durin’ I, Robot, actually. I was kinda expectin’ some:

Yo this is a story, all about how,
my life got flipped, turned upside-down.
The dude who gave me a mechanical arm,
jumped out the window an’ bought the farm!
The robot I hated turned out ta be nice,
but the rest’a them tried ta get me iced!”

Fer real.) I mean, don’ get me wrong – Will Smith’ll always be awesome. But yeah, this movie totally lowered his cred fer awhile.

OK, now someone out there’s gonna yell at me fer this last one, I got a feelin’, but whatever – I tell it like it is, an’ you got a problem with that, well, I’m always up fer throwin’ down. BRING IT. So here’s movie pick #5: Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World. (Yeah, I wish it was BURIED on The Far Side of the World.) I know some schmoes out there love this flick, but fer real? Here’s what I c’n remember after the 3.72 days I spent watchin’ it:

Ship, ship, ship, CANNONBALL, water, ship, water, CANNONFIRE, blood, water, RANDOM SPLINTERING WOOD, water, ship, slippery decks, CLAUSTROPHOBIC HAMMOCKS, blood, VIOLINS, water, water, really quiet dialogue, HOYAY, water, ship, ISLANDS, ship, water, TOTALLY BLATANT HOYAY, water, ship, water, FIN (VIOLINS). An’ the whole thing was all dark an’ blue an’ depressing. SNORE.

So there ya go, li’l Ame. Five movies ta stay away from unless ya love torturin’ yerself.

And on we go!

Ooh, my favorite German charmant has written me again!

addygryff writes:

Hi there.

That’s some awesome advice, thanks! ;D
You know, I’ll totally consider getting into the [merc] business, is it possible to work past time as well? It might be just the thing to get some extra cash while I catch up on my studies…
If it doesn’t work out.. what else could I do? Any ideas?

Ya know, I got all sorts a’ideas as ta what people c’n do in their spare time ta make some cold hard cash. I recommend a job where, if ya tell people what you do, they look at you funny an’ then run away real quick. ‘Cause that kinda thing makes me laugh.

Ideal job ta try fer this? Chicken sexer. No, it ain’t what you think it is. An’ it’s not that, neither. Although I’d totally go for it if this sentence meant what any normal person would think it means: Mohamad “does” about 700 chicks a day, or three chicks every two minutes. MAN. Even MY healin’ factor would be workin’ overtime with that many women.

OK, so that’s all the questions I got time for today, but like I said, I got a coupla announcements ta make, an’ here they are:

1) Even though I KNOW all my loyal fans are payin’ close, CLOSE attention ta everything on my journal, including my links list, I figured I oughta mention my two svelte, smooth, spectacular affiliates, as featured on the sidebar, ’cause I don’t think I did that here yet. So, yeah: if you want to keep up on all the Deadpool news that’s fit ta print (an’ even I can’t hardly keep up with it these days. I’m everywhere!) the absolute best place ta do that is The Deadpool Bugle. That’s right, true believers! I HAVE MY VERY OWN NEWSPAPER. Take THAT, J. Jonah Jameson. An’ if you wanna check out some YouTube videos by a big fan of yours truly, go on an’ give Deadpool and Friends a try. Don’t miss this dude’s thoughts on my new movie, or his poll on which of my sweet-ass costumes was the best ever. (Quick answer: ALL OF ‘EM.) Go on! Click the links! You know you want to.

2) Hey, you guys remember way back in the day when I did a poll an’ asked if you wanted to see any other Agency members answerin’ questions here? (Of course you don’t. That was an ice age ago!) Well it’s finally THAT TIME. That’s right. By popular consensus, I will be allowing my pet pal BOB, AGENT OF HYDRA Hail HYDRA! ta answer a few of yer questions.

Here’s how it’s gonna work: Got a question fer Bob? Great! Post it in the comments ta this entry. Then, I’m gonna let Bob pick his FIVE favorites an’ answer them in the next entry. An’ hey! If he doesn’t screw it up too bad, I may even do this again. (Don’t worry. I’ll answer more a’yer questions first!) I think Tasky’s next in the polls, an’ even though he swears up and down he doesn’t wanna “waste time with your stupid imaginary friends” I know he’s totally itchin’ fer a chance ta say hi ta you all. (We *really* need ta get him a girl or somethin’. He’s so mopey.)

Warning: Bob has informed me that if you ask a numbered question, he will NOT answer it. Apparently, numbered questions frighten Bob. He claims Alison used to number all her complaints whenever they had fights er whatever. So, yeah: no numbers for Bob!! He’s allergic!

Until next time, my chill chimichangas, keep ’em oiled an’ loaded!