Posts tagged ‘asked and answered 140’

August 5, 2010

Okay, Who Moved My Sheep Gun? Tasky?? GIVE IT BACK OR THE BARBIE GETS IT.


Hola mes amigos, from the casa de Deadpool! Or…somethin’? Yeah, I never really learned Spanish. Well actually I did, on that one job in Costa Rica, but I think that part’a my brain’s re-generamacating right now. So all I can say is: vete a tomar por culo! Which means “good ta see all you feebs again.” …I think. An’ it IS good ta see you – ‘specially you devoted fans who miss me so much that you comment JUST ta tell me ta come back an’ write on this here journal. I love you all, I really do! So this one’s fer you, perras! Which a’course means “beautiful people” in th’ original Spanish. Ole!

Asked and Answered in 140 Characters Er Less

Part VI: The Superfluous Division (Which smelled really really bad. Oh wait. That was the Flatulous Division. D’oh!)

@jadaily says: @Ask_Deadpool You really want Deadpool and Domino in An Affair of the Heart. Or maybe an affair of other parts.

@jadaily I may or may not deny this could possibly be the case in an alternate world somewhere.

@ToughTom says: @Ask_Deadpool That might get messy with that “bullseye” around her eye.

@ToughTom *rimshot*

Hey cool! Now you can rate @Ask_Deadpool over on Comic Blog Elite. Go give me 5 stars` or I’ll shoot ya! πŸ˜‰ http://tinyurl.com/yf2bw2v

P.S. Yes, I love attention. YOU ARE SURPRISED BY THIS? #Deadpool

New Entry! My thoughts on my (#Deadpool) current popularity, let me show you them! http://ask-deadpool.livejournal.com/10985.html

RT @lastgeek: @Ask_Deadpool has a point and us comic buyers trying to get everything he is in isn’t helping. I’m stilling to the main stuff.

. @lastgeek Heh, thanks, man. I mean, I’m all about people wantin’ ta own alla my comics; it’s just that it’s gettin’ SO CROWDED in here!

Aw, shucks. Thanks, dude. RT @lastgeek: @Agent_M Print this off and pass it around @Marvel: http://ask-deadpool.livejournal.com/10985.html

RT @lastgeek: @Ask_Deadpool As long as you get to sucker punch Osborn in the Siege storyline, all will be good!

. @lastgeek Hey dude, I’ll sucker-punch Normie in ANY storyline!

RT @LarrysComics Just coined the term “Deadtrosexual” to describe #comics fans who ONLY read and collect all things Wade. Bunch of them out there

RT @YouTubeDeadpool Fine! I’m Coining “Deadpoholics” @larryscomics. Means the samething, but sounds less gay. Though i’d be down for “LadyDeadtrosexual”.

@YouTubeDeadpool I like that. Haha, ya hear that, my faithful fans? You got a special name now!

RT @YouTubeDeadpool . @Ask_Deadpool i think i’m gonna start calling the Deadpool Fans Deadpoholics in my VLOGs.

@YouTubeDeadpool DEADPOOL APPROVES. #FTW

. @YouTubeDeadpool But ya gotta pr’nounce it “Deadp’holics” er it’s gonna sound like yer callin’ ’em “DeadPOOholics.” An’ that’s just gross.

@handmadelion asks: What is the likelihood that there will be a scene of you reading your own forums in the actual Deadpool solo movie?

@handmadelion Very likely, if I have anythin’ ta say about it. An’ then there’ll be th’ scene where I go lookin’ fer th’ #Deadpool Marb.

@handmadelion Th’ legendary #Deadpool marb: http://s3.zetaboards.com/thedeadpoolforum/topic/7278289/2/

@handmadelion An’ then the scene where I come back an’ shoot th’ computer fer tauntin’ me with a Marb that apparently doesn’t exist.

@handmadelion Ah, who’m I kiddin’? That scene’ll only be on the SuperBadassDeluxeMegaMercEdition DVD. As an Easter egg.

@handmadelion Shaped like a Deadpool grenade.

@cutebutpsycho76 asks: Deadpool: Does this outfit make me look fat?

@cutebutpsycho76 Nah, sweet potata, yer lookin’ feisty an’ fine in those togs. Wanna go out sometime? *wink wink*

@GrimDingo asks: If you get to make your own trailer for your movie, what would you put in it?

@GrimDingo BUCKETS OF EXPLOSIONS. Also, mackin’ it with Copycat. B/c HELLZ YEAH, BLUE CHICKS. (Holla, Avatar? OK that was offensive oops.)

@GrimDingo But TRUE NONETHELESS. Blue chicks are so in this season.

@handmadelion asks: Do you like Drowning Pool?

@handmadelion They’re ok. Mostly b/c @foresthouse has a Dr. Pool/Jagermeister shirt that is S-E-X-Y. #TRUFAX. LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR.

RT @handmadelion @Ask_Deadpool; @KenPlume I just thought you two should know, we’re having tacos this evening.

@handmadelion AND YOU ARE SENDING ME SOME, RIGHT, FEEB??

@jadaily asks: Don’t you prefer chimichangas over tacos anyway?

@jadaily I accept all Mexican foooooodzzzzz. Although I endorse enchiladas frequently. Enchilada enchilada enchilada.

@MadiRuss What is your favorite winter sport?

@MadiRuss Curling because it is pointless and I enjoy that fact.

RT@jenvargas As a proud Mexican, I must share my love of tamales. Corn wrapped AWESOME is what they are!!

@jenvargas I got no argument with that. I like the Trinidadian kind, too, wrapped in banana leaves. MMMMMMM. Yeah, baby.

@jenvargas Pastelles, that’s what they’re called. I approve of pastelles, an’ all you mooks should, too!

RT @HellRazerHD: @ask_deadpool Chalupa means boat!

@HellrazerHD Does it? Get me a boat fulla chalupas, then!

What up, Feeb Posse? Deadpool is in the hizzzzzzzzouse. Mostly ’cause it’s snowin’ like it ain’t never gonna stop out there.

Even mercs with healin’ factors like ta stay in an’ keep warm ev’ry now an’ then. Also, Bob made Chinese Lantern Hot Cocoa. Mmmmmm.

@gil_garcia asks: hey deadpool, I just bought Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2. Why is Zooey Deschannel so damn cute?

@gil_garcia ‘Cause she’s related to Emily Deschannel, who is S-E-X-Y. Even Agent Booth can’t keep away. RrrrOWR.

@HamjamIAm asks: So, when you wanna go to Australia? I’m in! http://bit.ly/blCwwN

@HamjamIAm Awww, but I used to have a widdle wabbit, an’ he was so darned cute, I could NEVER…how ’bout Thursday?

RT @gil_garcia (Β·|Β·)

@gil_garcia Did you just moon me, dude? Oh, wait. That’s my symbol, ain’t it? Aaaaanyway.

@MidtheKnight says: Wade love all your comments, and hey how’d you feel having ryan reynolds play you in X-men orgins

@MidtheKnight Thanks, yo! An’ I LOVE #RyanReynolds, so that was sweet. Until…you know…THAT THING happened. But I don’t blame ol’ Ry.

@handmadelion asks: If you were to provide televised commentary to a spectator sport, which sport would it be?

@handmadelion Cross country skiing, but mainly in hopes that @mattfraction would make an appearance: http://tinyurl.com/ydgssmn

@gjrkow asks: do you ever wish you had thought balloons instead of boxes

@gjrkow Heck no! You c’n fit WAY more into a box than a balloon, an’ sometimes, y’know, I got A LOT ta say. About th’ Golden Girls, an’…

WIN RT @pandora114 Spiderman eat ur ❀ out I have made Deadpool underoos for my 3yo little boy. He asked 4em. http://tweetphoto.com/13745916

RT @VictorGischler Come on, Kidpool. You can't even lift that gun. How do you expect to fire it? VG

@VictorGischler Kidpool would find a way.

Just misread Nine Inch Nails as Nine Irish Nails. Because Dedpool Kan Rede. ANYWAYS. I kinda like th’ idea of Nine Irish Nails. Aye!

@krazynate05 asks: whose cooler? Spiderman or Iron Man?

@krazynate05 Spider-man c’n be fun, but he’s so UNORIGINAL. Always tryin’ ta be cool like me. But Iron Man? He’s got repulsor beams! SHINY.

RT @pandora114: @Ask_Deadpool Iron Man. He’s a pimp

RT @pandora114: @Ask_Deadpool But not as much of a pimp as Deadpool. >.>

@pandora114 DAMN SKIPPY.

@HamjamIAm says: @Ask_Deadpool Thursday is good. Your C4 or my TNT?

@HamjamIAm Eh, I got a ton’a extra C4 I was just sittin’ around moldin’ inta mermaid shapes, so let’s go fer that.

@gjrkow asks: spider-ham does u think he wrong?

@gjrkow Wrong ’bout what, dude? His fashion sense? Maybe.

@krazynate05 says: just got done beating down captain america as the merc with a mouth!

@krazynate05 Sweet! Now, ta really be like me, tomorrow, go back an’ fight side-by-side with him instead. An’ then beat him again on Tues.

@HamjamIAm asks: Where’s @ask_deadpool when you need him?

@HamjamIAm Hidin’ in a crowd with Waldo. CAN YOU FIND ME???

Top 10 Worst Secret Identities: http://laserbrick.blip.tv/file/3238137 Thanks, Lem!



An’ now, back ta yer regularly scheduled colonoscopy! Until next time, keep ’em tensed an’ ready!

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March 14, 2010

Remember When I Dressed Like Ant Man? Good Times.


OK, so you feebs are gonna die when ya hear this:

I’m in th’ supermarket (le supermarchet!) in France, ’cause I got this megamajor cravin’ fer some Snackes Au Francais (that’s French munchies ta you unedumacated feebs) an’ this dude comes up to me all, “Zut alors, mon ami! Etes-vous DEADPOOL?” an’ I’m all whippin’ out the heavy artillery ’cause ya know, guys comin’ up ta me ta ask who I am usually wanna kill me, an’ he kinda reminds me a’the guy who’s uncle I mighta maybe snuffed a few weeks ago — an’ then he goes, “Mais oui! Je t’adore! J’aime les questions auxquelles vous rΓ©pondez sur le Twitter!” An’ then? He bought me all my snacks. SCORE.

So, random French dude who’s name was probably Pierre ’cause ev’ry French person is named Pierre: this one’s fer you!

Asked and Answered in 140 Characters Er Less

Part V: The Havartian Decade (When all th’ questions were soft an’ cheesy, an’ all th’ answers were delicious. Woo! (This decade has not yet been officially recognized by the International Commission on Stratigraphy, which I totally did not make up.))

@lastgeek asks: Is there anything you wouldn’t do for money?

@lastgeek Yeah, I wouldn’t fry a Smurf w/a magnifying glass (ScarletVulture, WHATUP http://tinyurl.com/ygt9gd8) I’d do that sh*t for FREE.

@bunnnn asks: what can I do to train and kick butt like you do cause im only a small bunny but your really cool!!!!!!!!!!!!

@bunnnn Oldest trick in th’ book, wee furry creature: file those l’il teeth a’yers until they’re SHARP and POINTY! An’ then hide in a cave

RT @bunnnn http://twitpic.com/owj2u – @ask_deadpool is tellin us a story about how he kicked captain america in the nads to get aliens out

RT @bunnnn http://twitpic.com/owuyy – now @ask_deadpool is tellin me how my brass knuckles look like crepes I didnt know how to spell it

@bunnnn Sweet, little vorpal bunny! I like these. πŸ™‚

@gjrkow asks: that cuz he was not allowed to talk when he was u at the end??? they messed u up big time but maybe they do betta next time

@gjrkow Hellz yeah that’s why! Those fools din’t know what 2 do w/a good thing. WHERE’S MY LAWYER CALL HER IN HERE Oh hey She-hulk whatup?

@jenvargas asks: What do you think of @NASA?

@jenvargas I’ve been ta space. It’s kinda creepy out there sometimes. @NASA & the astronauts are killer-cool fer going up there alla time.

@jenvargas P.S. Have you heard my new band, @NASA and the Astronauts?

@jenvargas It’s me an’ Domino, a guitar, a bass, an’ a hamster on a wheel. #TRUFAX

@jenvargas P.S. Sometimes Rorschach does guest vocals, but we can’t get ‘im ta read th’ lyrics in full sentences. Crazy little man.

@jenvargas: @Ask_Deadpool That’s pretty cool, DP! I’ll bet you guys would kick Harry & the Potters’ butt in a Battle of the Bands!

@jenvargas Yeah, but I dunno ’bout Draco & the Malfoys. They might emo us ta death.

@I_Tenacious asks: Here’s one. Why the hell did Marvel set up another account for you if they/you aren’t doing jack with it?

@I_Tenacious WHO TO THE WHAT NOW? Where is this villain of whom you speaketh. Eth.

@I_Tenacious WE MUST ROUST THE IMPOSTOR FROM HIS THRONE OF NOTHINGNESS BEFORE HE BECOMES ENTRENCHED. Also I have a spare grenade.

@I_Tenacious Thanks dude. …OH COME ON NOW, THIS AIN’T FAIR. If he don’t post somethin’, how can I reply an’ tell ‘im ta GET LOST.

@I_Tenacious Hey man, what’s th’ point’a havin minions if ya can’t get’em ta do yer work for ya. EVERYBODY TELL @RealDeadpool I’M TH’ BEST

IF HE EVER ACTUALLY POSTS. TELL MARVEL THEY SHOULD JUST HIRE ME TA BE ME FER THEM. I MEAN COME *ON*

GO MINIONS GO! RT @bunnnn @RealDeadpool i like @Ask_Deadpool hes tha best!!!!

@RealDeadpool BEWARE MY MINIONS WITH THEIR SHARP. POINTY. TEETH. (snicker-snack; snicker-snack. @bunnnn will getchya!)

@Jebroney says: id REALLY love it if there was a chance of u teaming up with weasel again…i miss poolboy 😦

@Jebroney Ya know, I think we need ta go storm th’ writers’ lair, ’cause I got a few suggestions as ta my supportin’ cast myself!

@ToughTom asks: Why is it all the other Deadpools on twitter are so sorry?

@ToughTom Cause all the other ones are pale copies of xeroxes of mimeographs of tracing-paper drawings of th’ REAL me. Which is ME. #TRUFAX

@RedHeartTart asks: Do you think you could take on Freddy Krueger?

@RedHeartTart Psshya, what’re ya, kiddin’ me? He can’t even leave town! You can beat him just by not being afraid! An’ I’m not afraid a’him

@gil_garcia asks: have you seen the Proposal yet?

@gil_garcia Yes. #ryanreynolds is SO DREAMY. Jus’ like me! That’s why he’ll be perfect ta play me soon.

@krazynate05 asks: What would @Ask_Deadpool do if a guy kissed your chick on the cheek even if the 2 are friends?

@krazynate05 HAHAHAHAHA show me th’ guy who’s nuts enough ta do that. MY BABE, DUDES. THAT MEANS BACK OFF. *grenade toss*

@bairdduvessa asks: does that meam you won’t get me Sandi’s number?

@bairdduvessa Hmm, not sure, dude. Do you have shifty eyes? A tendency ta beat women? If not, I might maybe could consider it. πŸ˜‰

@bairdduvessa: @ask_deadpool neither.

@bairdduvessa Weeeeellllll, I’ll see if she wants ta share. πŸ˜‰

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 asks: is ryan reynolds as good and cute in the proposal as in wolverine ??

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 CUTER. HE GETS NAKED which I totally didn’t watch because I am into women. Only women. Hot women. In conclusion: WOMEN.

@JLopezCostume asks: Deadpool/Transformers Michael Baysplosion Crossover, y/y?

@JLopezCostume Oh HELL no. Michael Bay? *makes warding sign* Who did The Dark Knight CAN I GET THAT PERSON?

@JLopezCostume: @Ask_Deadpool what if Michael Bay explodes too? Someone will pay to see that!

@JLopezCostume Only if Optimus Prime falls on ‘im outta the clear blue sky afterwards. ‘Cause that’d be kinda funny.

@I_Tenacious asks: Hey, did we ever get rid of that other jerk?

@I_Tenacious Nah, he;s still hangin’ around, not sayin’ a word. But I don’ care. We all know who the REAL “RealDeadpool” is: ME.

@I_Tenacious Actually, I figured out who that feeb is: he’s th’ version a’me from the FOX movie: aka Not Cool Deadpool.

@I_Tenacious That’s why he ain’t talkin’ – HIS MOUTH’S STILL SEWN SHUT. Hahahahaha.

@BuddhaBBuddhism asks: Ive read just about every deadpool comic (that i know of) But when does he get the other extra voices??

@BuddhaBBuddhism The voices are tellin’ me somethin’ about some dude named Daniel…Way…and salad tossing…Wolvie? Is that you??

@BuddhaBBuddhism Oh wait. Now th’ other voice is sayin’ somethin’ about tired gimmicks…HEY NOW. Nothin’ I do is tired. I RULE.

@fableboyblue asks: so you battling Dr. Doom (via @doomwar) for money or chicks or both? You should eat something before you take him on!

@fableboyblue Eh? That ain’t Doom. Doom wouldn’t talk ’bout Taylor Swift all the time. …Wait. Scratch that. Maybe he WOULD.

RT @fableboyblue has to be doom. NAY WAIT ITS LADY GAGA! I was fooled don’t let this happen you you kids!

@fableboyblue HEY NOW don’t you hate on @ladygaga; she’s my kinda crazy. She wore a cape made outta a polar bear AND SET IT ON FIRE.

@fableboyblue: @Ask_Deadpool most definitely not hating on @ladygaga. You have to respect multi-talent.

@fableboyblue Anyway, I think @ladygaga c’n actually SPELL. Plus: POLAR BEAR CAPE. ON FIRE. Yeah, that’s right, @Ask_Deadpool’s a fan.

@fableboyblue An’ women who wear masks alla time. Maybe @ladygaga is secretly a superhero/villainess. HEY IT COULD BE TRUE.

@fableboyblue: @Ask_Deadpool agreed. Akin to Dazzler, only…lots more flash.

@jadaily asks: I’m looking for a career change. What should I do?

@jadaily How ’bout citrus fruit dyer: http://tinyurl.com/yew7vhk Dunno if it’s hard work, but ya c’d prob’ly snack some while ya work!

@gjrkow asks: x-force annual was cool cuz u fought dead acolytes, so when u officialy join x-force?

@gjrkow Shhh, don’ tell! I’m already a super-secret member. So secret that not a single person knows I joined! Hah!

@HamjamIAm asks: If you had your way, what would you do about school buses?

@HamjamIAm I’d turn ’em inta portable awesomeness on wheels: hot tub school buses, pizza parlor school buses, observatory school buses…

@HamjamIAm moonwalk school buses (they’d be totally safe! *bounce bounce bounce*), armory school buses (fer when ya need a new grenade)…

@HamjamIAm fashion show school buses (shutup I ain’t gay; it’d attract hot models!), personal rock show buses (hello, Matthew Good show!)

@HamjamIAm …OK, now I’m really thinkin’ I gotta get some old buses and go ta work on this idea. Thanks, man!

@ToughTom asks: Do you think Longshot could “get lucky” whenever he wanted?

@ToughTom I think he’d have a real good chance at makin’ babies if that’s what he wanted. Since his aim’s so good. Hur hur hur.

@ToughTom Know what I’d love ta see? Longshot vs. Domino in An Affair of the Heart. An’ in a fight, too, a’course.



Hey! I think…I think that means I’m almost caught up on th’ ol’ Twitterfeed. Which…ah, damn. Guess I’ll hafta start answerin’ questions again, eh? Just kiddin’, kids. I LOVE YA AN’ YER QUESTIONS.

P.S. I heard a rumor t’day that my friend who said he was gonna draw some little pictures fer me drew ’em. Stay tuned!

March 11, 2010

Vengeance of the Twitter Knight: How ta be Behind at Bein’ Ahead of the Game

Yeah, yeah, ya just can’t wait ta hear what I have ta say about that BRILLIANT question ya sent in back in 2003. But yer gonna hafta wait! ‘Cause I never did learn how ta do things in “a timely manner,” whatever THAT means. So today, it’s all about that fun game we play, called…

Asked and Answered in 140 Characters Er Less

Part IV: The Neoandersonozoic Division (Ah, that time of peace and prosperity when Keanu Reeves ruled the Earth. Remember that? Nah, me neither. Zing!)

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 asks: who would win in a fight superman or batman ?????????? please me n my sis have been fighting over tis for 2 years.

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 Superman, unless Batman had him some Kryp-to-NITE, as illustrated in The Best Macro Ever: http://tinyurl.com/kva43v

@aristeia: @Ask_Deadpool Ironic… most people choose Batman winning versus anyone. I hate Supes, but I love that macro like whoa.

@aristeia Yeah, ‘s kinda hard ta argue against th’ GODDAMN BATMAN.

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 asks: what happens if you call 1 300 deadpoo http://bit.ly/tTpXL

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 You really do get a t-shirt! Or Taskmaster comes ta yer house and beats ya up. One or th’ other. Who can say which it’ll be?

@Lachdanan_ asks: Did you go and see the movie District 9? If so, what did you think of it?

@Lachdanan_ Nah, haven’t gotten ta see that one yet. Didja like it? Tell me if it’s worth a watch!

@gil_garcia asks: why do you have such lame people asking stupid questions?

@gil_garcia Cause I’m like a movie star – they love me SO MUCH, when they get aroun’ me they’re all flustered an’ can’t think’a complex stuff

@Kil1ertofu: @Ask_Deadpool We’re too intimidated by your awesomeness to ask coherent questions.

@Kil1ertofu SEE I KNEW IT.

@MadiRuss asks: Just curious, why do you point your toes so much when you fight? Is it a ballet thing or are you just naturally graceful?

@MadiRuss Ninjas do that when they ninj so they can poke dudes in the eye while fightin’ – An I’m just the ninjaest ninja that ever ninjed

@thnksfrthmmrz asks: if i actually get to ask you questions…. WHO THE FUCK IS RED HULK?

@thnksfrthmmrz All I can say is we’re only a coupla issues inta th’ story an’ I can tell already that it’s all gonna end in tears. TEARS.

@thnksfrthmmrz: @Ask_Deadpool tears? well that’s unfortunate.

@thnksfrthmmrz Maybe they’ll be tears a’laughter. You never know.

@xXBlackVirusXx asks: why do things go missing in the laundry room & was it you that stole my new panties?I just gotem 2

@xXBlackVirusXx I blame the Eater of Socks. As does Terry Pratchett. He’s one smart dude. And…well…maybe…Hey, I needed a clean pair!

@smittytang asks: when exactly is hasbro releasing the official deadpool mighty mugg?…I NEED IT,

@smittytang Actually, I dunno, but when they do, c’n someone send me one? I’m broke again. Stupid pirates who steal from other pirates!

@bairdduvessa asks: u are probably sick of this..but what does this merger with Disney mean for you?

@bairdduvessa It means I’m stockpilin’ some weapons fer the inevitable moment when I’ll haveta go an’ TAKE OUT TH’ MOUSE. Stupid Disney.

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 asks: disney bought marvel …. ????? what does that mean for you ???? im so confused

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 Never fear, young padawan, all will become clear shortly. When the Mouse’s chalk outline appears in my next storyline.

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 Either that er a team-up: The Merc w/a Mouth & Mad-Eye Mickey, th’ Maddest Mouse in the Midwest: Together, they fight crime!

@rogue_1102 asks: I’m finding it hard to picture the Mouse in your duds….are you a D.D fan? πŸ™‚

@rogue_1102 Ya know, I’m findin’ that hard ta picture, too. Awright, all you artsy types – GET DRAWIN’ – I wanna see Deadpool Mickey, NOW!

@Xanapanda asks: So what do you think of Disney buying Marvel, Pooly?

@Xanapanda I think findin’ 12 ways ta answer this question is th’ best part. Also: if they eff w/my mad skillz I’m gonna CUT A BITCH.

@zareonianwolf asks: Wade! Any news on the movie front?

@zareonianwolf *sniff* No. Haven’t heard from my buddy Ry in weeks. Hope he’s not too busy BEING GREEN to remember me!

@death_by_avid asks: which Disney character would make the best sidekick for you?

@death_by_avid Hey, that’s a good one! Uh – Scrooge McDuck – he’s a tough ol’ nut AND he’s a gazillionaire. I c’d totally use that.

@Xaphnea asks: Hey Wade, you sad the mannequin came to her untimely end so soon?

@Xaphnea It was fun while it lasted. An’ the blind broad wasn’t so bad either – but she was srsly lacking as an homage to my good buddy Al

@gil_garcia asks: I guess with the recent Disney purchase, is there a possibility I could see you kill Hannah Montana in the movies???

@gil_garcia HEY SIGN ME UP FER THAT CROSSOVER WHUT WHUT. Hellz yeah. Also: The Cheetah Girls.

@Kil1ertofu asks: Boxers, Briefs, or the best game of strip poker ever?

@Kil1ertofu ‘s that even a choice? Then again, who’s playin’ poker with me? If it’s the Blob, I’ll pass!

@Blazefire33 asks: Hi Deadpool, big fan, i just wanted what your favorite podcast about you is?

@Blazefire33 Hey man, ya know, I don’t listen ta those much, but I hear yours is pretty good.

@Mark_Currie asks: Your very own Deadpool comic? …Don’t you already have like 10 different comics?

@Mark_Currie Yeah, but *I* ain’t writin’ any a’those! This one’d be by ME.

@CabaSafado asks: Are you talking to yourself or do you see little yellow boxes, too?

@CabaSafado Th’ little boxes told me not ta tell ya. Shhhhh.

@WillMacklinShow asks: Coke or Pepsi?

@WillMacklinShow Chocolate milkshakes with sprinkles, dude. Chili’s has got some good ones.

@pandora114 asks: thinking bout getting a tat done of U, where n what should U be sayin? (I’m a chick)

@pandora114 Dunno where, but I vote fer one’a my favorites: “My common sense is tingling.” A la this pic: http://tinyurl.com/ygq429e

@freaks173 asks: What are you going as for Halloween this year?

@freaks173 Seein’ as Tasky already dressed up as me, I figured I’d return th’ favor. Then I’ll hit on all the gals fer him. Score!

@ToughTom asks: Why are you my all time hero?

@ToughTom ‘Cause of that thing I can do with two socks and a falafel. And a spatula.

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 asks: who is Blind Al??

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 Th’ lore a’the common folk says she was my prisoner/den mother/whosiwhatsit, but I say mostly she was a pain in my ass!

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 I miss that crazy ol’ woman. Maybe I’ll sneak inta her room while she’s sleepin’ an visit. Hey, it works fer vampires!

@M1A1DA asks: What hotel should I stay at in Las Vegas?

@M1A1DA The Bellagio, dude. YOU CAN’T ARGUE WITH DANCIN’ FOUNTAINS. …That sounded totally gay, didn’t it?

@RelayHuntersCrk asks: what do you think we can do, as non-superheroes, to help obliterate cancer?

@RelayHuntersCrk ‘S a tough one. Well fer one thing, I guess we c’n give more money ta the scientist-dudes. I’ll donate my last haul!

@RelayHuntersCrk An’ then maybe we c’n throw all the tobacco companies inta the ocean, yeah? Hm.

@RelayHuntersCrk An’ tell people ta eat better: http://bit.ly/1zLMH8

@RelayHuntersCrk I’d go visit th’ kids at th’ hospitals and try ta cheer ’em up, but I think it might scare ’em more…

@RelayHuntersCrk I’m such a nice mercenary, ain’t I? Don’ tell anyone, though, k? I got my rep ta think of!

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 asks: should i put you on my superheros list or should i make a anihero list???

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 Mercenaries got their own list, babe! It’d be too confusin’ allus having ta switch us from the “heroes” ta “villains” list.

@pandora114 asks: Question, if you were to get it on with Lady Deadpool, would that be incest or masturbation? or what?

@pandora114 Ya know what it’d be? A WHOLE LOTTA FUN, that’s what. But I think @robertliefeld may already have called dibs. SADFACE. D:

@bairdduvessa asks: can u give me some money so i can start my life over AND get an Outlaw tattoo?

@bairdduvessa Abso-freakin-lutely, dude! Send me your bank account info an’ passwords an’ all, an’ I will deposit some cash toot sweet!

@bairdduvessa: @ask_deadpool sure all my bank passwords are alex>wade πŸ˜›

@bairdduvessa WHATEVER, FEEB.

An’ now, back ta my regularly scheduled infomercial-watching. Catch ya on the flip side, my freaky friends!

March 9, 2010

What’s That Thing You Do? We Love That Thing You Do! Do You? We Do! Ooh!

Ooh, another post’a questions I already answered on that thing they call Twitter. I’m so lazy, it’s nearly unbelievable! ‘Cept I know you’ll b’lieve just about anything of me. Like you’ll b’lieve I’m gonna answer yer questions in my next post. SWEAR.

But fer now, it’s time fer…

Asked and Answered in 140 Characters Er Less

Part III: The Achean Eon (That time when I said painfully ridiculous things in answer ta yer questions. Wait…that mighta been every eon. Whatever.)

@omgzombieswtf asks: Who’s the better current writer of you: Daniel Way or Mike Benson? Both brilliant bastards!

@omgzombieswtf I gotta say BENSON. Danny boy’s ok, but I’ll never fergive him fer Pool-o-vision. My brain’s a LOT more crazy than THAT.

@ConanSlew asks: Oye Deadpool! Sabes hablar espaΓ±ol?

@ConanSlew (& this goes fer all y’all from foreign parts) Wish I did, but th’ part’a my brain that knows 50 languages is still regeneratin’.

@Jinxrave asks: Pirates or Ninjas? You can only choose one!

@Jinxrave Pirates, a’course. I’M a ninja, so I got no use fer more a’them around here. But I love guys who go, “Yaaarrrrrr” at everythin’.

@prescribeddrone asks: Do chongas like chimichangas?

@prescribeddrone Damned if I know – maybe ya should head down ta Miami an’ ask one.

@ToughTom asks: Whats your advice for training a zombie head of yourself?

@ToughTom Ya know, I’d start with LOTSA practice biting and headbutting. I mean, my zombie head rocks, but it’s got a kinda small skillset

@ToughTom We’re workin’ on our own “fastball special,” though – an’ ours is WAY better than the original.

@PissOnYouBitch asks: hey i got a question. what would have you thought of bruce campbell playing you in a movie back when he was younger

@PissOnYouBitch Bruce Campbell is a BAMF, so sure. Only thing I’d worry ’bout is his tendency ta kill zombies. I like my zombie head!

@EXISTunicornsDO asks: Zombies or vampires?

@EXISTunicornsDO ZOMBIES Gotta stick with fam’ly, right? My zombie head rocks OK, now who’s gonna ask me ’bout ninja zombie pirate robots?

@HellrazerHD is confused: He says: Now I’ve seen everything … someone posing as the red and black attack on twitter.

@HellrazerHD No posin’ here, man. I’m the real deal. I got the scars ta prove it.

@HellrazerHD: @ask_deadpool good because the last guy I met dressed as deadpool was about 400 pounds and couldn’t speak a lick of english. makes u wonder

@HellrazerHD Wonder no more, my friend. Anyway, that was just Agent X messin’ with ya. He stole my *stretchy* uniform from Heroes Reborn.

@Mark_Currie asks: Ninja zombies or Pirate robots? Or Ninja robots? Or Pirate zombies?

@Mark_Currie Radioactive Teenage Samurai Robot Wombats, a’course!

@jamesdavidW asks: what happens when someone cuts off your head??? with a chainsaw

@jamesdavidW It smarts a little. ‘Specially after Bob puts my head back on my neck an’ it’s becomin’ attached ta me all over again.

@mrsmulwray asks: So, Deadpool, what are you going to get me for my birthday?

@mrsmulwray Go clubbin’ an’ I’ll take out a contract hit on ya. But the nice kind. Where all the guys hit on ya all night. You’ll love it!

@skeletontrees asks: so where are you taking me for our birthday on july 7? πŸ˜€

@skeletontrees Abraham Lincoln on a pogo stick, I forgot it’s our birthday in a few days! Uh, I gotta rappel down a mountain fer work.

@skeletontrees An’ then shoot somebody. Don’t ask. Wanna come? We can totally get chinese after the dude is dead.

@EXISTunicornsDO asks: Do you believe is unicorns??

@EXISTunicornsDO Nah, but I do believe in pictsies. Nasty little buggers! But handy in a fight!

@PissOnYouBitch asks: did you read your new series yet i picked it up today very nice by the way

@PissOnYouBitch What, you think I got time ta read all that – I gotta get my rockets ready fer tonight. BIG BOOM, BABY.

@CrazyInez asks: Hey Wade I gotta question for ya When ya pay me back for wreckin’ my apartment, are ya gonna throw in some diamond spurs?

@CrazyInez I was thinkin’ a’somethin’ a little more…intimate, baby. *wink wink*

@Xanapanda asks: Just out of curiosity how much would it cost me to have you take out someone?

@Xanapanda First rule’a merc werc is I don’t talk bout how much I charge fer merc werc on here. But we could conduct a private negotiation

@Xanapanda: @Ask_Deadpool Oh sorry. I’ll keep that in mind from now on! Don’t want you to hurt me the next time. ^^; So where shall it take place then?

@Xanapanda Ever been ta Manhattan? There’s a handy abandoned warehouse we could chat in…

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 asks: hey any news on deadpool movie havent looked in in a long time

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 Here’s th’ latest: http://bit.ly/bhrbR

@miss_risible asks: So we’re wondering how RR will portray you, but what would YOU do if your boss [WHO U HATE(!!!)] proposed to YOU?!

@miss_risible Well I’m kinda freelance, but I think I’d fall on my ass if like, Nick Fury or Cable proposed ta me after hirin’ me…

@HellrazerHD asks: So is poolman a Mortal Kombat fan?

@HellrazerHD Well I WAS, until this whole Weapon XI thing…now I ain’t so sure. I guess I should blame FOX, not Mortal Kombat.

@Mark_Currie says: @Ask_Deadpool DC have stolen Ryan Reynolds away from us! You could kick Green Lantern’s cosmic butt any day.

@Mark_Currie Don’t I know it! I just hope #ryanreynolds is going to do BOTH. If he throws me over fer GL, we may be DONE, professionally.

@gil_garcia asks: is it just me or do you feel a little betrayed by Ryan Reynolds over his hiring as the Green Lantern?

@gil_garcia Weeeellll, I’m waitin’ ta see what #ryanreynolds says about it, ya know? If he’ll still play me too, it’s all good.

@NaTeSaUcE asks: yo wade! whats up? who’d be the last guy standing after a bar fight with you and wolvie? ya both gots the healin’ factors!

@NaTeSaUcE Ain’t gonna lie & say it’d be an easy fight, but I do have one thing Wolvie don’t have: a teleporter. Gives me th’ edge. So: ME

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 asks: how do you feel about renolds playing green lantern ????

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 I’m gonna be happy fer him unless it hurts MY movie – then I’ma gonna be PISSED. Anyway, #ryanreynolds looks good in green.

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 It brings out the seriousness in his eyes.

@Lachdanan_ asks: Who would win in a fight? Wolverine? or Darth Vader?

@Lachdanan_ Wolvie’s got the healing, but Vader’s got the Force. It’d be a standoff: Vader’d just create a Force field to keep Wolvie away

@YouTubeDeadpool: @Ask_Deadpool Yeah. Vader all the way. Force choke him to the nearest Airlock.

@YouTubeDeadpool A’course, if the question was ME vs. Vader, def. it’d be ME. But I can’t tell ya how I’d beat ‘im, or I’d hafta kill ya!

@feildmouse asks: why is the Suicide Kings mini so lame compared to all of your other books?

@feildmouse ‘Cause it’s not really me; it’s Tasky. Sh. Actually, I didn’t even read it yet. I’ll get back ta ya on how he screwed up later

@zareonianwolf asks: Hey Wade! Besides Ryan Reynolds, who do you think would do justice to you on the big screen?

@zareonianwolf Ya know, at this point, I don’t think I can think’a anybody else bein’ me…damn. #ryanreynolds better be able ta do it!

@fullofwhoa asks: Dear Deadpool, I do not actually own any of your comics. Where should I start?

@fullofwhoa We here at the Agency consider anything written by Joe Kelly, Fabian Nicieza, or Gail Simone to be Word of God.

@fullofwhoa So I’d try out Deadpool (1997) 1-33, Deadpool (1997) 65-69 and Agent X 1-15, Cable & Deadpool (2006) 1-50. But any are good.

@Blazefire33 asks: Yo Wade, what do you think of that podcast dedicated to you?

@Blazefire33 I think fans dedicating stuff ta me is freakin’ fantastic. Chimichanga!

@Mark_Currie asks: Hey Wade, I was wondering… what should I ask you?

@Mark_Currie Do I gotta do ALL the work aroun’ here? Heh. I dunno, ask me how behind I am on answering everyone’s questions. Answer: A LOT

@Mark_Currie But I swear I’m workin’ on it! In between the slicin’ an’ dicin’, ya know.

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 asks: hey any new updates on movie ?!?!?!?!?

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 No. *sniff* Has #ryanreynolds forgotten me because he likes green better? …NAH. I’m sure he’ll come through. HE’D BETTER.

RT @foresthouse DEADPOOL IN MAGNET WARS! Mwahaha! http://bit.ly/14WJMk

@Lachdanan_ asks: How come I can’t find your comics at my local convince store I work at?

@Lachdanan_ ‘Cause Comic Book Guy *personally* threatened Apu Nahasapeemapetilon and ALL ‘is kind if they ever honed in on his territory

@Lachdanan_ #TRUFAX

@zareonianwolf asks: hey Wade! If you fought the Green Lantern, who’d win?

@zareonianwolf Depends, ya know? We talkin’ in th’ movies? ‘Cause that’d be just kinda existential an’ crap, me fightin’ myself…

@zareonianwolf But in th’ comics, ME, a’course. Even need ta ask? An’ he’d be damnin’ a lot more’n my lemonade http://tinyurl.com/mwf92d

@xXBlackVirusXx asks: HEY DEADPOOL!I just how many licks does it take to get to the center of a jawbreaker? forget tootsiepops!

@xXBlackVirusXx No freakin’ clue. But ya know I built a sweet-ass gun when I was a li’l tyke, shot those things out like nobody’s biz

@xXBlackVirusXx I mean, those things’r HARD. They make ’em outta 100 year old chewing gum’r somethin’

@xXBlackVirusXx Ya know, th’ kind ya find on th’ bottom’a th’ seat at the movies? LIKE A ROCK.

@gil_garcia asks: will you be playing Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 when it releases next month, since you are in the game?

@gil_garcia Ya kiddin’? HELLS YEAH. Game me looks SWEET. …Oh, ‘cept I gotta wait til I score another gig ta get it. Money’s kinda tight.

@gil_garcia I mean, guess I c’d heist it on outta th’ store…but I don’t usually steal stuff unless I’m gettin’ paid. Or it’s fun. Or…



Whew! Well that was a lotta typin’ I didn’t actually just do. Tune in next time, fer Wolverine’s special guest appearance on the ol’ blog!*

* Wolverine not actually appearing.

January 21, 2010

Holla Holla (Come on if you rollin’ wit me) Holla Holla (The yellow boxes say hey)


Yo yo what up Gs and G-ettes? (Yeah, I am so down with th’ gangsta slang, baby.) SO DOWN WITH IT. So hey, remember how I’m postin’ my Twitter Asked and Answered Hollas on here now? Yeah, it’s that time again!

Asked and Answered in 140 Characters Er Less

Part II: The Cretinaceous Period (Hey, didja know during this period the dinosaurs were called stuff like “muttaburrasaurus“? Fer serious! I’m thinkin’ those ones tasted like mutton burritos er somethin’. That er the guys namin’ them were just morons.)

ANYWAY.

BREAKING NEWS!! Bob’ll be answerin’ questions in the next journal entry. Leave yer Bob questions on today’s post: http://tinyurl.com/olp5kp

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 asks: who is bob ????

@EdWaRdSgIrL4: Bob’s kinda a stray. Picked ‘im up by accident on a mission an’ then he wouldn’t go home! Schmoe! http://tinyurl.com/rxubh3

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 S’ok, though. He’s a pretty good cook. Weas gets jealous a’him sometimes, but I just ignore it. Weas gets so tetchy sometimes.

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 Oh, an’ if ya wanna know who any a’the other mooks I hang out with are: http://bit.ly/kJID0


@ j4m3s asks: i’ve a question: i know my coleagues at work are doing less hours than me, what must i do?!

@j4m3s Ya know what movie I love? Office Space. Dude had the right idea: leave early when no one’s lookin’ & then come back & PWN the joint.

@j4m3s An’ then you can set yer own hours, and walk around singin’ about how good it is ta be a gansta. Total win.

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 says: http://foresthouse.livejour… can you read all of this some of it is so small i cant read it ??????

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 Hey, babe, mgmt. ain’t responsible fer the teeny printin’ at the link. An’ I got laser eyes, so I c’n read ANYthin’. OH WAIT.

j4m3s says: thanks for your great advice. but i was waiting something that shot them in the middle of the eyes or anything like that πŸ˜€

@j4m3s Well, yeah, there’s always the easy way out. I prefer my inflatable sheep gun (TM) fer jobs like that. Flatten them with flair!

@Deathstroke_ asks: “How does it feel knowing that your existence owes itself to the awesome that is me?”

@Deathstroke_ And I reply: How does it feel knowing that I was already 500 times more awesome than you by the end of my first solo issue?

@Deathstroke_ But hey, man, don’ feel too down about it. If ya wanna grab a brew an’ unload about yer messed up childhood, just gimme a call

@Deathstroke_ Number’s 1-800-BAKELITE. (Leave off th’ last “E” fer weight reduction!)

Deathstroke_ says: This is why you’ll never beat Wolverine. Your snarcky sense of humor will give you a fanbase, but it won’t make you the best.

Deathstroke_ says: I on the other hand am a trained killer. I’ve beaten Batman, I’ve out run the Flash, I am the ultimate weapon.

Deathstroke_ says: I take no nonsene. I might not be as popular, but I’m deffinately more deadly.

@Deathstroke_ Matter of opinion, dude. An at least I ain’t got insecurity issues that make me need ta grandstand on how great I am alla time

@Deathstroke_ But I gotta remind ya, I got a whole book called “Deadpool vs. the Marvel Universe” an’ at the end, I COME OUT ON TOP. ZING.

tano_gooch asks: How long ’till you converse with Strong Bad about him copying your mask? He’s still breathing: http://tiny.cc/VDG5L

@tano_gooch Eh. The dude’s like, 3 inches tall! I ain’t gonna bust his chops ’cause he thinks trying ta be like me will make ‘im tougher

@tano_gooch Unless he calls me out ‘er tries ta actually claim he’s me or somethin’. Then I’ll wipe the cement with his puny li’l gloves.

@JJMeylar asks: Dear Deadpool, I have a sweet tooth problem that I want to deal with. What should I do?

@JJMeylar First, ya go to th’store an’ find some real nice, ritzy brand’a chocolate ice cream.

@JJMeylar Then, ya buy 12 cartons.

@JJMeylar Then, ya bring ’em all on by my place.

@JJMeylar An’ then I might let ya have one.

@JJMeylar ‘Cept if Agent X wants some. I can’t be held responsible fer what that big tub a’lard does.

@JJMeylar So if he steals yer carton, don’t whine ta me. We clear?

@gil_garcia asks: do u think that you can kill the chick in that stupid Education Connection commercial? There’s a chimichanga in it for ya!

@gil_garcia Throw in an enchilada, an’ I’m sold. U got an address or somethin’? Or am I gonna have ta lurk outside the studios again?

@gil_garcia Last time I did that I got in BIIIG trouble. I was like, “I’m a golden girl, I swear!” but they weren’t buyin’ it.

gil_garcia says: Ill make it two enchiladas since i dont know the address!

@gil_garcia Awriiiiight, if ya throw in some hot sauce an’ chips I’ll do the recon work for ya.

EdWaRdSgIrL4 says: bad news some combicbook magizine had a list of top 200 superheros. – deadpool was number 182- dumb magazine 😦

@EdWaRdSgIrL4 Ah, well, it was prob’ly written by monkeys jumpin’ on typewriters with defective ribbons. An’ I STILL got on the list!

@gil_garcia asks: hey deadpool, when you’re bored, do you ever randomly blow off your head because you can regenerate?

@gil_garcia Nah, man, ya never know when yer mutant powers’ll get sidetracked an’ ferget ta grow yer ear back or somethin’.

@gil_garcia I mean, hasn’t happened yet, but ya never know. Anyway, why waste ammo I could be usin’ on someone else?

@Xanapanda asks: You’re so cool, Wade. How can I be more like ya?

@Xanapanda Well now, I recommend starting by heckling Bob whenever possible. An’ playing poker with Outlaw. But don’t ever let ‘er win.

@Xanapanda I don’t recommend cancer. Or talkin’ ta anyone from Weapon X’s recruitment dept. Even if they offer ya cupcakes and ponies.

@Xanapanda Also ta state the obvious – fashion makes the man (or woman). Lotsa nice red-n-black’ll totally help.

@Xanapanda Ah, who’re we kiddin? There’s only ever gonna be one me. Why not try ta be more like yerself. Don’t worry. We c’n still hang out.

@TheReaperMan Great Gatsby on a pogo stick! Death, sweetheart, is that YOU? …Wait… Ya look, uhhh…different. Genderically I mean.

TheReaperMan says: WRONG UNIVERSE. YOU WANT THAT TART THAT RUNS THE MARVEL SECTION.

@TheReaperMan Ohhh. So wait – yer th’ one with the horse, right? I always wanted a horse named Binky! Can I ride her, can I can I can I???

TheReaperMan says: RIDING THE HORSE MAY RESULT IN YOUR ENTRAPMENT IN AN ALTERNATE REALITY. MEANS NO.

@TheReaperMan I been in a few a’those. Sometimes it’s kinda fun; sometimes it tickles. An’ then there was the time when I really hadta pee…

TheReaperMan says: HAVING SAID THAT, HERE’S A BOUNCY BALL. *passes* MIGHT KEEP ME FOLLOWING YOUR TRAIL FOR FIVE MINUTES OR SO.

@TheReaperMan Oooh, BOUNCY. Thanks, man. I like the black an’ white. If I paint some red on here, it’ll look just like my little symbol ™

TheReaperMan says: I’M SURE IT WOULD. *nods*

@TheReaperMan P.S. Can I keep this?

TheReaperMan: *nods*

@PyroGrrl asks: hey. How are ya?

@PyroGrrl I’m in th’ mood fer some fiery passion, that’s how I am. An’ you look like ya’d be good at bringin’ that, eh? *wink wink*

@PyroGrrl …Oh, wait. Were you jus’ bein’ polite an’ stuff? Hard ta tell with all this typin’ and stuff. πŸ˜‰

@elgato88 asks: so…how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

@elgato88 It all depends, dude – is this a *laden* woodchuck, or an unladen woodchuck?

elgato88 says: uhh….. unladen!

@elgato88 In that case, about a chuckwagon’s full a day, during the month’a May, is what I say. Hey hey. I’m a freakin’ fantastic poet, eh?

@mrsmulwray asks: Doing anything fun this weekend, Deadpool?

@mrsmulwray S’amatterafact, I am. Sandi got us a job with a stakeout at a fancy hotel, so in between murder an’ mayhem – I’m goin’ SWIMMIN

inlaterdays asks: Will there be a Speedo involved? πŸ˜‰

@inlaterdays Speedo? Nah, I got custom trunks. Guess what they got on ’em?

@Lady_Phantom asks: Hey, DP! I was wondering what your thoughts are on you being in the new Hulk Vs. Wolverine show?

@Lady_Phantom I think it’s FANFREAKINTASTIC. I mean, yeah, they made me way too skinny, but the voice guy was pretty darned good an’ all.

@KamKhaos asks: What is more painful, arrows through the skull or watching Bob wee on your favorite rug?

@KamKhaos I loved that rug. *tear* Whereas arrows ta th’skull are jus’ a temp’rary annoyance. LIke mosquitoes or somethin’. So: RUG.

An’ I’m out, all ya gansta rappin’ feebs!

Tune in next entry, where I swear I will answer more questions. Unless I misplaced that paper I wrote ’em down on again. Damn!

Boooooooooooobbbbbb! Where’d you put my pink frilly paper with all the notes on it?