What up, my charming chiquitas? Hey, remember back in the day, when I used to actually post ta this here journal? Well, get out yer nostalgia boots and tramp on over, ’cause I’m baaaaack! Hey, what c’n I say – starrin’ in 15 different books at once is HARD. Even those of us with a mega-healin’ factor need a little sleep now an’ then. But I think I finally managed ta figure out how ta juggle all that AND update this thing now an’ then: ya know how there’s like, a metric ton of me’s running around right now? The lady and the kid and the, what’s that, am I a cowboy too now? Oh, no, a soldier. Somethin’ like that, anyway. Well, I been delegatin’ some a’my work ta them so’s I can kick back and catch up on the most important thing out there – my FANS. An’ so finally, I’ve got a minute ta bring ya all Chapter 4 of Merc Werc: The Deadpool Way! Yeah, yeah, I know. I’m the best. An’ I promise I’m even diggin’ my way out of all the questions you feebs have been sendin’ me. Promise! And now, may I present the follow-up ta Chapter 3 (If I had a nickel for every team that’s kicked me out…)
(See also Helpful Linkage:
Holla Atcha All! Take 4
Bein’ Yer Own Boss
25. Step one in runnin’ a successful merc office: get a hot secretary who’s actually smart, too. Get two, if ya can afford ‘em!
26. If yer secretar(ies) say they need a metric ton’a Post-its, don’t argue! Ya don’t want ‘em burnin’ down th’ office. FN 5
FN 5: Or decidin’ that runnin’ off ta join th’ circus would be better than workin’ fer you. Trust me, it happens.
27. A tastefully decorated office is th’key ta impressin’ clients. I recommend giant portraits’a yerself. Also: fake plants.
28. Hire at least one employee who looks homeless and crazy, ta scare off th’ feebs who ain’t serious ‘bout hirin’ ya. FN 6
FN 6: Bonus points if yer new employee is *actually* crazy. FN 7
FN 7: Negative points if he eats all yer fake plants. Those things ain’t cheap!
29. Being yer own boss means never havin’ ta say yer sorry. Or explain why there’re giant holes in the lobby wall. Remember that.
30. If yer client is crazier than you are, charge ‘em double – it’s pretty much guaranteed you’ll need hazard pay fer th’ nutjobs.
31. Ingredient #1 of a tidy office? Scotch-Guard (ta minimize th’effect of th’ inevitable blood spillage that comes w/ merc werc)
32. Ingredient #2? Duct tape (fer everythin’ else). FN 8
FN 8: Especially those holes in th’ walls. Ya may not have ta explain ‘em, but all those drafts can get annoyin’.
33. When it comes ta payday, remember that you’re th’ boss – an’ give yerself a bonus!
34. If ya got an employee who’s kinda a schmuck but makes good croissants, keep ‘im around the office. Fresh baked goods are SWEET
35. Sure, bein’ boss means ya c’n work in yer PJs, but I say wear yer good togs anyway; killin’ zombies in a bathrobe is hard!
And there it is, my friendly fans! Another volume’a wisdom in a small package, comin’ at ya from Deadpool’s Clubhouse Under the Desk. Chow!