Merc Werc Part III: If I had a nickel for every team that’s kicked me out…

Y’know what’s awesome about havin’ a healing factor? Even the biggest headache in the universe (ya know, the kind that happens after seein’ somethin’ like this) goes away in no time flat. Which is good, ’cause I just remembered I gotta post the latest installment of Merc Werc: The Deadpool Way. Yep, that’s right! I did another chapter, just fer you lucky kids!

But first, Helpful Linkage:

Merc Werc: The Deadpool Way? What the heck is that?

Merc Werc Part I: The Importance of Being…Prepared

Merc Werc Part II: What To Do When You’re Totally Screwed

And now…

Holla Atcha All! Take 3

If I had a nickel for every team that’s kicked me out…

15. If ya end up on a team’a X-Feebs, don’t be intimidated. They put their pants on one leg at a time, too. ‘Cept for Nightcrawler, a’course.FN 2

FN 2: ‘Cause’a his tail, y’know? And then there’s Shadowcat. Bet she just phases into ’em. And out of ’em. Rrowr!

16. If yer team roster is an immortal idiot, a gay flat dude, a skinny chick who wants t’be fat, a human teleporter, and a dinosaur…laugh.

17. And then check fer little black goatees, ’cause you may have accidentally ended up in an evil universe. You should be so lucky.

18. If some fancy-schmancy law firm with a lotta Ls in the name comes recruiting you fer their “savin’ th’ world team,” RUN. Trust me on this.

19. Never blow up a dude on yer team. He might come back 10 years later lookin’ really creepy and end up bein’ a real pain in the tookus.

20. If y’end up facing a psychotic midget version of yerself in yer first team-up book, just shake yer fist and yell, “Curse you, Joe Kelly!”

21. If yer lucky enough to get a call from Heroes for Hire, get the money up front and then try not t’laugh at the little yellow slippers.

22. If y’volunteer fer the team that used ta work with that feeb Cable, hang around until they say “Time to break out a frosty new SIX PACK.”FN 3

FN 3: Trust me. It never gets any less funny. Those mooks are cheesier than a stadium full’a Packers fans eating cheeseburgers.

23. When the mutant savior’a the world, who also happens to be yer best bud/mortal enemy, says t’lobotomize him, don’t. Everyone’ll hate ya.

24. Sometimes ya get lucky. If yer team’s got a hot mutant cowgirl in a skimpy shirt: NEVER LEAVE. Even if ya gotta put up with a big fat guy.FN 4

FN 4: WHO EATS ALL THE TWINKIES. D:

And there it is, my frolicksome fans! Another volume’a wisdom in a small package, comin’ at ya from the Fortress of Cool. Where we’re outta Twinkies. AND DEVIL DOGS. That bastard.

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105 Comments to “Merc Werc Part III: If I had a nickel for every team that’s kicked me out…”

  1. I have… a question!
    Dear Deadpool:
    A certain lovely, possibly a low level psionic being is temporarily out of work. At her previous job, she was paid a decent living wage. Now she is not making enough money to pay for Important Things in life — like Deadpool comics, movie tickets, Wii game systems, trips to England to stalk superheroes, or even brand name cookies. Should the certain LPALLPB take a job (if offered) which would pay much less than the job that she had before, but more than unemployment — or should she hold out for only the best of jobs as would suit her stature?
    All the best! Lady_of_Mists

  2. He ate all the twinkies?
    That FUCKER.

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