Just when I was about ta celebrate my lil old journal havin’ FIFTY WHOLE READERS now (hello, readers!), I find out someone else out there in LJ land is claimin’ to be me. What’s up with this, yo? I didn’t even know I hadda stake my claim. MAN. Every time I look around, some yutz is pretendin’ t’be cool like ‘Pool. Whyizzat? I guess it’s just ’cause I’m so awesome. BUT STILL.

Look. It’s me. Right here. Here I am, at home in my kitchen! No paparazzi or fake ‘Poolmeister could get a picture like that, y’know?

And they don’t even got no way fer me ta challenge this mook! What is this “first come, first serve” junk? Where’s the part where I can challenge them to a duel fer my identity? THAT SHOULD BE IN THE RULES, FEEBS.

Hrmph. Well, just fer that, I’m gonna go ahead and…answer a question! TAKE THAT, fake ‘Poolster.

OK, now. This one here’s from tyrannicalalien, who asked me, way back in September (really, September? Great gourds of fire, I am a slacker!):

Dear Deadpool,

Who’d be your ideal sidekick, eh?

Well I guess I should assume we’re leavin’ out the obvious, here, right? I mean, it’s not like I’d choose him or nothing, but he does share some DNA with me and stuff…hem. Anyway, if we’re not talkin’ ’bout stupid jerks who left me behind to go off and try to save the world, then I guess I’d hafta say…

Rex the Wonder Dog!

(Crossovers’re allowed, right?)

I mean, who wouldn’t want a super-soldier sidekick who was smarter than most humans but didn’t constantly yammer on while you were tryin’ ta make a speech yerself? He can ride a horse! He can swing on vines! He beat up a T-Rex! It’s like having Captain American in canine form! Except I guess he’d have ta carry the shield in his teeth or somethin’. But whatever. Hands down, I’d take this pooch as a sidekick any day. Too bad he won’t return my calls.

Hmmm. I guess I got time fer one more before I gotta go find me a late night snack. Bob made Homocidal Ham and Cheese sandwiches earlier, but I ate ’em all before 3. Damn.

OK, then. amejisuto asks,

Dear Deadpool,

If you could guest star on any TV show, past or present, which one would you choose?


Oh, now, this one’s easy as crackin’ necks in Sunday School. (Uh, not that I ever cracked anyone’s neck durin’ Sunday School. Really. Scout’s honor!) No question about it, I’d pick FIREFLY! (What a shock, another great franchise FOX screwed up!) I mean, who the hell wouldn’t want t’be a SPACE COWBOY? Not to mention me’n’Jayne would obviously be best buds, once he acknowledged my superior skills (and gettin’ him ta do that would probably involve some fun knock-down drag-out fights, too! I promise I wouldn’t kill him or nothin’. He’s cool) and little Kaylee is the cutest piece of ass on two legs. RrrOWR. Sure, me an’ the Captain might have a tussle or two now and again, and I’d have no use fer the doctor at ALL, but I bet River and I could have some GREAT conversations. Don’tcha think?

Oh! Bob just yelled out from the kitchen that he’s finished makin’ his new Calotropis Calzones. I can’t wait to try one! Gotta go!

So until next time, keep ’em oiled and ready!

14 Comments to “HEY YOU GUUUUYS”

  1. You are obviously the first and only Deadpool. You’ll have to get a Slim Shady-like theme song to prove it. 🙂
    (And/or slicing and dicing, ne? That should get anyone sane to drop their ridiculous claim!)

    • Yer so smart. Good idea! I’ll hunt down some starvin’ artist to write me an awesome song about how people claiming to be me will die slow and painful deaths. Genius!

  2. There’s always . That’s one’s even more fun to say.

  3. Don’t think of it as they’re claiming to be you. Think of it as, you’re so incredibly awesome and people are using your name as a title. Yeah.
    Also, I’m very disappointed with this Wolverine movie & it’s so-called Deadpool toy. This is not the sexy Deadpool we know & love. I mean, it’s not bad that I prefer the scars to Thom Cruz red whateveritis, right? Right. It’s just not a manly enough. Feh.

    • That’s right. They only WISH they could be this cool.
      Yeah,you ain’t the only one that’s a little bit PEEVED right now. But I’ma wait for the movie to come out, and if it turns out as annoyin’ as I think with respec’ta me, THEN I might haveta go kick some movie-people butts. Y’know?

  4. We will testify to your identity and awesomeness.

  5. Dude, I’d pay good money to hear a conversation between you and River Tam.

  6. I’ve never been a big Firefly fan, despite knowing the Buffy series backward and forwards, but if you were in it … dude, I’d so totally watch and fangirl! That would be too cool!
    Then again I think you deserve your own TV show. A half-hour comedy or something. Hell, if E! can give the Playboy Bunnies a show, now that they’ve gone you can have their time slot!

    • OK, why is there a little Irish dude flashin’ me from yer icon? That $&*! just ain’t right.
      Well, I tell ya, Firefly is totally worth the money, if ya got the time an’ inclination. A real good piece’a work.
      My own show, eh? Yeah, I could dig that.

      • HEE! Sorry dude, I have only 15 slots for icons and most of my icons are girly or filled up with my cop crushes. Is Horatio Caine blowing something up badass enough for you?
        Just think you could gather up 12 to 14 baby mercs and teach them stuff. Kill off one a week and whoever wins becomes your sidekick! I mean, some of the bimbos on America’s Next Top Model and RuPaul’s Drag Race get real nasty, not to mention the backstabbing that goes on in Project Runway. Just think what would happen if you gave them guns and explosives.

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