Merc Werc Part II: What To Do When You’re Totally Screwed

Holy Heidi in leiderhosen! It’s been a year and a day since I’ve managed to make it to my trusty little laptop and share my ingenious thoughts of the moment with you, my loyal if misguided fans! But rest assured, I’m back in the saddle now. And rarin’ to go. Or somethin’a that kind, anyway. Where’ve I been, you ask? WELL I’LL TELL YOU. I’ve been in secret places, doing secret things that had NOTHING to do with me having to grow back my fingers after a little run-in with Wolverine, or anything. (Man, typing with no fingers = World’s Greatest Challenge, I tell you what.) Also nothing to do with Wolverine’s whiny son kickin’ the hot air outta me. Really.

So forget about all that, and concentrate on what’s important: the second chapter of Merc Werc, comin’ to you all right here, right now, from the Fortress of Cool (entranceway statue of Tasky optional; I keep telling him he needs t’stay away from the Grey Gargoyle, but does he listen?)

And now…

Holla Atcha All! Take 2

What To Do When You’re Totally Screwed

11. What to do if you get yourself in a tight situation: diet.

12. There is never any situation in which a knife is an unnecessary accessory.

13. When outnumbered, just charge at everyone in sight while yelling really loud. They’ll be scared of that. And of your swinging katanas.

14. There are times when a banana peel really is the best thing you can throw at your enemy. Those times are few, so choose wisely.

15. Don’t let enemy taunting make you lose your head: just because your name rhymes with “fool” doesn’t mean you have to act like one.

***

So there ya go, some sage advice from the Merc who knows his Werc. And never fear, I’ll be here with more advice soon enough. And, y’know, maybe the answers to those letters y’all wrote me a millenium ago. Although from what I hear from my doppelganger from the future (he checks in on me now and again), I may be pulling a fast one soon and accidentally locking myself in a freezer for 200 years just so I can see an old…friend. Yeah, friend. So I guess I’ll have to get those answers out fast!

Until next time…don’t panic!

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220 Comments to “Merc Werc Part II: What To Do When You’re Totally Screwed”

  1. Nice to hear from you again man! Be careful with the whole freezing thing.
    Do they even make human sized Ziplock Freezer bags I wonder?

  2. Don’t freeze yourself! 200 years without Deadpool! That’d leave us with a whiny Spiderman, and… Who even cares about anyone else. It’s still a horrible two centuries to look forward to.

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