Yo yo what up Gs and G-ettes? (Yeah, I am so down with th’ gangsta slang, baby.) SO DOWN WITH IT. So hey, remember how I’m postin’ my Twitter Asked and Answered Hollas on here now? Yeah, it’s that time again!
Asked and Answered in 140 Characters Er Less
Part II: The Cretinaceous Period (Hey, didja know during this period the dinosaurs were called stuff like “muttaburrasaurus“? Fer serious! I’m thinkin’ those ones tasted like mutton burritos er somethin’. That er the guys namin’ them were just morons.)
BREAKING NEWS!! Bob’ll be answerin’ questions in the next journal entry. Leave yer Bob questions on today’s post: http://tinyurl.com/olp5kp
@EdWaRdSgIrL4 asks: who is bob ????
@EdWaRdSgIrL4: Bob’s kinda a stray. Picked ‘im up by accident on a mission an’ then he wouldn’t go home! Schmoe! http://tinyurl.com/rxubh3
@EdWaRdSgIrL4 S’ok, though. He’s a pretty good cook. Weas gets jealous a’him sometimes, but I just ignore it. Weas gets so tetchy sometimes.
@EdWaRdSgIrL4 Oh, an’ if ya wanna know who any a’the other mooks I hang out with are: http://bit.ly/kJID0
@ j4m3s asks: i’ve a question: i know my coleagues at work are doing less hours than me, what must i do?!
@j4m3s Ya know what movie I love? Office Space. Dude had the right idea: leave early when no one’s lookin’ & then come back & PWN the joint.
@j4m3s An’ then you can set yer own hours, and walk around singin’ about how good it is ta be a gansta. Total win.
@EdWaRdSgIrL4 says: http://foresthouse.livejour… can you read all of this some of it is so small i cant read it ??????
@EdWaRdSgIrL4 Hey, babe, mgmt. ain’t responsible fer the teeny printin’ at the link. An’ I got laser eyes, so I c’n read ANYthin’. OH WAIT.
j4m3s says: thanks for your great advice. but i was waiting something that shot them in the middle of the eyes or anything like that
@j4m3s Well, yeah, there’s always the easy way out. I prefer my inflatable sheep gun (TM) fer jobs like that. Flatten them with flair!
@Deathstroke_ asks: “How does it feel knowing that your existence owes itself to the awesome that is me?”
@Deathstroke_ And I reply: How does it feel knowing that I was already 500 times more awesome than you by the end of my first solo issue?
@Deathstroke_ But hey, man, don’ feel too down about it. If ya wanna grab a brew an’ unload about yer messed up childhood, just gimme a call
@Deathstroke_ Number’s 1-800-BAKELITE. (Leave off th’ last “E” fer weight reduction!)
Deathstroke_ says: This is why you’ll never beat Wolverine. Your snarcky sense of humor will give you a fanbase, but it won’t make you the best.
Deathstroke_ says: I on the other hand am a trained killer. I’ve beaten Batman, I’ve out run the Flash, I am the ultimate weapon.
Deathstroke_ says: I take no nonsene. I might not be as popular, but I’m deffinately more deadly.
@Deathstroke_ Matter of opinion, dude. An at least I ain’t got insecurity issues that make me need ta grandstand on how great I am alla time
@Deathstroke_ But I gotta remind ya, I got a whole book called “Deadpool vs. the Marvel Universe” an’ at the end, I COME OUT ON TOP. ZING.
tano_gooch asks: How long ’till you converse with Strong Bad about him copying your mask? He’s still breathing: http://tiny.cc/VDG5L
@tano_gooch Eh. The dude’s like, 3 inches tall! I ain’t gonna bust his chops ’cause he thinks trying ta be like me will make ‘im tougher
@tano_gooch Unless he calls me out ‘er tries ta actually claim he’s me or somethin’. Then I’ll wipe the cement with his puny li’l gloves.
@JJMeylar asks: Dear Deadpool, I have a sweet tooth problem that I want to deal with. What should I do?
@JJMeylar First, ya go to th’store an’ find some real nice, ritzy brand’a chocolate ice cream.
@JJMeylar Then, ya buy 12 cartons.
@JJMeylar Then, ya bring ‘em all on by my place.
@JJMeylar An’ then I might let ya have one.
@JJMeylar ‘Cept if Agent X wants some. I can’t be held responsible fer what that big tub a’lard does.
@JJMeylar So if he steals yer carton, don’t whine ta me. We clear?
@gil_garcia asks: do u think that you can kill the chick in that stupid Education Connection commercial? There’s a chimichanga in it for ya!
@gil_garcia Throw in an enchilada, an’ I’m sold. U got an address or somethin’? Or am I gonna have ta lurk outside the studios again?
@gil_garcia Last time I did that I got in BIIIG trouble. I was like, “I’m a golden girl, I swear!” but they weren’t buyin’ it.
gil_garcia says: Ill make it two enchiladas since i dont know the address!
@gil_garcia Awriiiiight, if ya throw in some hot sauce an’ chips I’ll do the recon work for ya.
EdWaRdSgIrL4 says: bad news some combicbook magizine had a list of top 200 superheros. – deadpool was number 182- dumb magazine
@EdWaRdSgIrL4 Ah, well, it was prob’ly written by monkeys jumpin’ on typewriters with defective ribbons. An’ I STILL got on the list!
@gil_garcia asks: hey deadpool, when you’re bored, do you ever randomly blow off your head because you can regenerate?
@gil_garcia Nah, man, ya never know when yer mutant powers’ll get sidetracked an’ ferget ta grow yer ear back or somethin’.
@gil_garcia I mean, hasn’t happened yet, but ya never know. Anyway, why waste ammo I could be usin’ on someone else?
@Xanapanda asks: You’re so cool, Wade. How can I be more like ya?
@Xanapanda Well now, I recommend starting by heckling Bob whenever possible. An’ playing poker with Outlaw. But don’t ever let ‘er win.
@Xanapanda I don’t recommend cancer. Or talkin’ ta anyone from Weapon X’s recruitment dept. Even if they offer ya cupcakes and ponies.
@Xanapanda Also ta state the obvious – fashion makes the man (or woman). Lotsa nice red-n-black’ll totally help.
@Xanapanda Ah, who’re we kiddin? There’s only ever gonna be one me. Why not try ta be more like yerself. Don’t worry. We c’n still hang out.
@TheReaperMan Great Gatsby on a pogo stick! Death, sweetheart, is that YOU? …Wait… Ya look, uhhh…different. Genderically I mean.
TheReaperMan says: WRONG UNIVERSE. YOU WANT THAT TART THAT RUNS THE MARVEL SECTION.
@TheReaperMan Ohhh. So wait – yer th’ one with the horse, right? I always wanted a horse named Binky! Can I ride her, can I can I can I???
TheReaperMan says: RIDING THE HORSE MAY RESULT IN YOUR ENTRAPMENT IN AN ALTERNATE REALITY. MEANS NO.
@TheReaperMan I been in a few a’those. Sometimes it’s kinda fun; sometimes it tickles. An’ then there was the time when I really hadta pee…
TheReaperMan says: HAVING SAID THAT, HERE’S A BOUNCY BALL. *passes* MIGHT KEEP ME FOLLOWING YOUR TRAIL FOR FIVE MINUTES OR SO.
@TheReaperMan Oooh, BOUNCY. Thanks, man. I like the black an’ white. If I paint some red on here, it’ll look just like my little symbol ™
TheReaperMan says: I’M SURE IT WOULD. *nods*
@TheReaperMan P.S. Can I keep this?
@PyroGrrl asks: hey. How are ya?
@PyroGrrl I’m in th’ mood fer some fiery passion, that’s how I am. An’ you look like ya’d be good at bringin’ that, eh? *wink wink*
@PyroGrrl …Oh, wait. Were you jus’ bein’ polite an’ stuff? Hard ta tell with all this typin’ and stuff.
@elgato88 asks: so…how much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
@elgato88 It all depends, dude – is this a *laden* woodchuck, or an unladen woodchuck?
elgato88 says: uhh….. unladen!
@elgato88 In that case, about a chuckwagon’s full a day, during the month’a May, is what I say. Hey hey. I’m a freakin’ fantastic poet, eh?
@mrsmulwray asks: Doing anything fun this weekend, Deadpool?
@mrsmulwray S’amatterafact, I am. Sandi got us a job with a stakeout at a fancy hotel, so in between murder an’ mayhem – I’m goin’ SWIMMIN
inlaterdays asks: Will there be a Speedo involved?
@inlaterdays Speedo? Nah, I got custom trunks. Guess what they got on ‘em?
@Lady_Phantom asks: Hey, DP! I was wondering what your thoughts are on you being in the new Hulk Vs. Wolverine show?
@Lady_Phantom I think it’s FANFREAKINTASTIC. I mean, yeah, they made me way too skinny, but the voice guy was pretty darned good an’ all.
@KamKhaos asks: What is more painful, arrows through the skull or watching Bob wee on your favorite rug?
@KamKhaos I loved that rug. *tear* Whereas arrows ta th’skull are jus’ a temp’rary annoyance. LIke mosquitoes or somethin’. So: RUG.
An’ I’m out, all ya gansta rappin’ feebs!
Tune in next entry, where I swear I will answer more questions. Unless I misplaced that paper I wrote ‘em down on again. Damn!
Boooooooooooobbbbbb! Where’d you put my pink frilly paper with all the notes on it?