Yeah, yeah, ya just can’t wait ta hear what I have ta say about that BRILLIANT question ya sent in back in 2003. But yer gonna hafta wait! ‘Cause I never did learn how ta do things in “a timely manner,” whatever THAT means. So today, it’s all about that fun game we play, called…
Asked and Answered in 140 Characters Er Less
Part IV: The Neoandersonozoic Division (Ah, that time of peace and prosperity when Keanu Reeves ruled the Earth. Remember that? Nah, me neither. Zing!)
@EdWaRdSgIrL4 asks: who would win in a fight superman or batman ?????????? please me n my sis have been fighting over tis for 2 years.
@EdWaRdSgIrL4 Superman, unless Batman had him some Kryp-to-NITE, as illustrated in The Best Macro Ever: http://tinyurl.com/kva43v
@aristeia: @Ask_Deadpool Ironic… most people choose Batman winning versus anyone. I hate Supes, but I love that macro like whoa.
@aristeia Yeah, ‘s kinda hard ta argue against th’ GODDAMN BATMAN.
@EdWaRdSgIrL4 asks: what happens if you call 1 300 deadpoo http://bit.ly/tTpXL
@EdWaRdSgIrL4 You really do get a t-shirt! Or Taskmaster comes ta yer house and beats ya up. One or th’ other. Who can say which it’ll be?
@Lachdanan_ asks: Did you go and see the movie District 9? If so, what did you think of it?
@Lachdanan_ Nah, haven’t gotten ta see that one yet. Didja like it? Tell me if it’s worth a watch!
@gil_garcia asks: why do you have such lame people asking stupid questions?
@gil_garcia Cause I’m like a movie star – they love me SO MUCH, when they get aroun’ me they’re all flustered an’ can’t think’a complex stuff
@Kil1ertofu: @Ask_Deadpool We’re too intimidated by your awesomeness to ask coherent questions.
@Kil1ertofu SEE I KNEW IT.
@MadiRuss asks: Just curious, why do you point your toes so much when you fight? Is it a ballet thing or are you just naturally graceful?
@MadiRuss Ninjas do that when they ninj so they can poke dudes in the eye while fightin’ – An I’m just the ninjaest ninja that ever ninjed
@thnksfrthmmrz asks: if i actually get to ask you questions…. WHO THE FUCK IS RED HULK?
@thnksfrthmmrz All I can say is we’re only a coupla issues inta th’ story an’ I can tell already that it’s all gonna end in tears. TEARS.
@thnksfrthmmrz: @Ask_Deadpool tears? well that’s unfortunate.
@thnksfrthmmrz Maybe they’ll be tears a’laughter. You never know.
@xXBlackVirusXx asks: why do things go missing in the laundry room & was it you that stole my new panties?I just gotem 2
@xXBlackVirusXx I blame the Eater of Socks. As does Terry Pratchett. He’s one smart dude. And…well…maybe…Hey, I needed a clean pair!
@smittytang asks: when exactly is hasbro releasing the official deadpool mighty mugg?…I NEED IT,
@smittytang Actually, I dunno, but when they do, c’n someone send me one? I’m broke again. Stupid pirates who steal from other pirates!
@bairdduvessa asks: u are probably sick of this..but what does this merger with Disney mean for you?
@bairdduvessa It means I’m stockpilin’ some weapons fer the inevitable moment when I’ll haveta go an’ TAKE OUT TH’ MOUSE. Stupid Disney.
@EdWaRdSgIrL4 asks: disney bought marvel …. ????? what does that mean for you ???? im so confused
@EdWaRdSgIrL4 Never fear, young padawan, all will become clear shortly. When the Mouse’s chalk outline appears in my next storyline.
@EdWaRdSgIrL4 Either that er a team-up: The Merc w/a Mouth & Mad-Eye Mickey, th’ Maddest Mouse in the Midwest: Together, they fight crime!
@rogue_1102 asks: I’m finding it hard to picture the Mouse in your duds….are you a D.D fan?
@rogue_1102 Ya know, I’m findin’ that hard ta picture, too. Awright, all you artsy types – GET DRAWIN’ – I wanna see Deadpool Mickey, NOW!
@Xanapanda asks: So what do you think of Disney buying Marvel, Pooly?
@Xanapanda I think findin’ 12 ways ta answer this question is th’ best part. Also: if they eff w/my mad skillz I’m gonna CUT A BITCH.
@zareonianwolf asks: Wade! Any news on the movie front?
@zareonianwolf *sniff* No. Haven’t heard from my buddy Ry in weeks. Hope he’s not too busy BEING GREEN to remember me!
@death_by_avid asks: which Disney character would make the best sidekick for you?
@death_by_avid Hey, that’s a good one! Uh – Scrooge McDuck – he’s a tough ol’ nut AND he’s a gazillionaire. I c’d totally use that.
@Xaphnea asks: Hey Wade, you sad the mannequin came to her untimely end so soon?
@Xaphnea It was fun while it lasted. An’ the blind broad wasn’t so bad either – but she was srsly lacking as an homage to my good buddy Al
@gil_garcia asks: I guess with the recent Disney purchase, is there a possibility I could see you kill Hannah Montana in the movies???
@gil_garcia HEY SIGN ME UP FER THAT CROSSOVER WHUT WHUT. Hellz yeah. Also: The Cheetah Girls.
@Kil1ertofu asks: Boxers, Briefs, or the best game of strip poker ever?
@Kil1ertofu ‘s that even a choice? Then again, who’s playin’ poker with me? If it’s the Blob, I’ll pass!
@Blazefire33 asks: Hi Deadpool, big fan, i just wanted what your favorite podcast about you is?
@Blazefire33 Hey man, ya know, I don’t listen ta those much, but I hear yours is pretty good.
@Mark_Currie asks: Your very own Deadpool comic? …Don’t you already have like 10 different comics?
@Mark_Currie Yeah, but *I* ain’t writin’ any a’those! This one’d be by ME.
@CabaSafado asks: Are you talking to yourself or do you see little yellow boxes, too?
@CabaSafado Th’ little boxes told me not ta tell ya. Shhhhh.
@WillMacklinShow asks: Coke or Pepsi?
@WillMacklinShow Chocolate milkshakes with sprinkles, dude. Chili’s has got some good ones.
@pandora114 asks: thinking bout getting a tat done of U, where n what should U be sayin? (I’m a chick)
@pandora114 Dunno where, but I vote fer one’a my favorites: “My common sense is tingling.” A la this pic: http://tinyurl.com/ygq429e
@freaks173 asks: What are you going as for Halloween this year?
@freaks173 Seein’ as Tasky already dressed up as me, I figured I’d return th’ favor. Then I’ll hit on all the gals fer him. Score!
@ToughTom asks: Why are you my all time hero?
@ToughTom ‘Cause of that thing I can do with two socks and a falafel. And a spatula.
@EdWaRdSgIrL4 asks: who is Blind Al??
@EdWaRdSgIrL4 Th’ lore a’the common folk says she was my prisoner/den mother/whosiwhatsit, but I say mostly she was a pain in my ass!
@EdWaRdSgIrL4 I miss that crazy ol’ woman. Maybe I’ll sneak inta her room while she’s sleepin’ an visit. Hey, it works fer vampires!
@M1A1DA asks: What hotel should I stay at in Las Vegas?
@M1A1DA The Bellagio, dude. YOU CAN’T ARGUE WITH DANCIN’ FOUNTAINS. …That sounded totally gay, didn’t it?
@RelayHuntersCrk asks: what do you think we can do, as non-superheroes, to help obliterate cancer?
@RelayHuntersCrk ‘S a tough one. Well fer one thing, I guess we c’n give more money ta the scientist-dudes. I’ll donate my last haul!
@RelayHuntersCrk An’ then maybe we c’n throw all the tobacco companies inta the ocean, yeah? Hm.
@RelayHuntersCrk An’ tell people ta eat better: http://bit.ly/1zLMH8
@RelayHuntersCrk I’d go visit th’ kids at th’ hospitals and try ta cheer ‘em up, but I think it might scare ‘em more…
@RelayHuntersCrk I’m such a nice mercenary, ain’t I? Don’ tell anyone, though, k? I got my rep ta think of!
@EdWaRdSgIrL4 asks: should i put you on my superheros list or should i make a anihero list???
@EdWaRdSgIrL4 Mercenaries got their own list, babe! It’d be too confusin’ allus having ta switch us from the “heroes” ta “villains” list.
@pandora114 asks: Question, if you were to get it on with Lady Deadpool, would that be incest or masturbation? or what?
@pandora114 Ya know what it’d be? A WHOLE LOTTA FUN, that’s what. But I think @robertliefeld may already have called dibs. SADFACE. D:
@bairdduvessa asks: can u give me some money so i can start my life over AND get an Outlaw tattoo?
@bairdduvessa Abso-freakin-lutely, dude! Send me your bank account info an’ passwords an’ all, an’ I will deposit some cash toot sweet!
@bairdduvessa: @ask_deadpool sure all my bank passwords are alex>wade
@bairdduvessa WHATEVER, FEEB.
An’ now, back ta my regularly scheduled infomercial-watching. Catch ya on the flip side, my freaky friends!