What up, True Believers? Deadpool here! Wastin’ time between one merc job and another by talkin’ about nothin’ and answering your questions.
…So send me your questions, ’cause there’s only so many times you can kill flies with rubber bands before you start to get bored.
Ah, who’m I kidding? That never gets old. But send me your questions anyway, by commenting on the entries.
P.S. If you sent me a question, don’t worry, I got it! It’ll be sitting right here on my little desk spike until I get around to it. Sandi got me that thing last week when I started losin’ stuff in all the old Taco Bell wrappers lyin’ around. Whadda girl she is – bought me a desk accessory that you can stab people with, too! I should give her a raise. Or at least a new chair or somethin’.
Who’s Who, What’s What, and All That Jazz
I know how goshdarn confusing it is when someone’s telling you some long, rambling story about what they did last weekend with twelve people you don’t even know, and I’ll probably be doing that a LOT here, so I figured I’d better run through the list of clowns I hang out with (sometimes not by choice. I’m lookin’ at you, Orca X). Ready? OK!
Deadpool (Wade Wilson)
Uh…if you don’t know who I am, then I don’t know why you’re even reading this. I just wanted a spot in the bio section so I could post this awesome pic of me.
Agent X (Alex Hayden)
Yeah, me’n’Agent X go way back – as far back as Agent X can remember, actually, since he’s made out of pieces of me, Black Swan, and some dead dude (don’t ask). Hayden’s the dude who ran the Agency and did all the merc werc until he got real fat. I mean immensely fat. I mean, orca whale on an all-blubber diet fat. That’s why I’m in charge now – someone’s gotta do the jobs and make the moolah until Orca X figures out how to Just Say No to that next Twinkie. Anyway, he pretty much hates me and I pretty much hate him and sometimes we just gotta throw down, but it’s cool, since we both got mad healing factors. You might ask why we hate each other, since we’re so ‘close,’ so to speak, but, eh, I’m not here to explain everything to you. Figure it out yourself, feeb.
Sandi Brandenberg (has no nickname. poor Sandi)
Sandi used to be my secretary back when I had a merc gig that was actually named after me. She’s completely awesome and runs Agency X with a flick of her well-manicured hand. Seriously, this place would fall apart at the seams if she wasn’t here. We can’t really figure out why she’s here, since working in this joint entails a lot of sweaty smelly dudes running around with knives, people being shot at, and blood on the carpet, but the way Sandi tells it, ‘normal’ life is ‘boring.’ Whatever her deal is, we’re damn lucky to have her, and have promised her all the little lined notebooks her schmoopy heart desires so she’ll stay. I have no freakin’ clue what she uses them all for, but she goes through about twenty a week. Nutcase.
Crazy Inez Temple)
Outlaw’s a mutant merc (like me!), and she takes jobs at the Agency whenever there’s jobs to be had. She’s a down-home Texas gal with the biggest set of…holsters you ever seen. She’s rough, tough, and always down for a game of strip poker, even with my scarred ass, so mega-points to her. She’s really a fun gal. Just don’t ever, ever call her
Crazy Inez That Name Which Shall Not Be Named. Thor Outlaw’s Boring EX-Boyfriend
Why does he got to drag that damn hammer everywhere?
Taskmaster (Tony Masters)
Tasky, oh Tasky. Tasky is one complex, crazy dude. He’s got something called “photographic reflexes,” so he’s basically Annie Oakley. Anything you can do, he can do better, fer real. He trains mercs sometimes, but he never trained me. S’a matter of fact, I schooled his ass but good a coupla times, and he knows I can do it again whenever I want. For some reason, he still seems to like me. He’s kinda got a major crush on Sandi. Poor schlub.
Weasel (Jack Hammer)
Weasel’s been my
best bud arms guy since just about Day One. He is a hardcore nerd, but I keep him around for laughs and free teleporter repair. He has six computers running at all times, and dreams in Battlestar Galactica. He’s a cool little dude.
Bob (Agent of HYDRA
I picked up Bob while I was rescuing Agent Orca from the Doom of Fattitude, and now I can’t get rid of him. Just kidding, Bob! I gotta watch what I say, ‘cause if he gets upset he wees on the carpet, and then Sandi is Not Pleased. But, like most pets, Bob just wants to be loved.
…Not like that, you pervert.
Cable (Nathan Simonson Christopher Gesundheit Charles Askani’son Summers Priscilla Geronimo Jackson Liefeld-Nicieza)
Nate’s basically a putz. I hung out with him for awhile ‘cause I couldn’t help it, what with our DNA being linked and all, but now we’re kinda divorced and flying solo. We had some adventures and some fights and some fun and really, I don’t miss him at all. Really. He’s off who-knows-where right now, running around with a baby and saving the world. Which is not much different from what he’s been doing since the day I met him, actually. Did I mention he’s a putz?
Irene Merryweather (Hot Girl Reporter Extraordinaire)
Irene used to be Cable’s Second-In-Command or some such, back when he had his own island and all; basically his glorified secretary and not-so-secret fangirl. She followed him around with schedules and checklists and moony eyes until Domino came back on the scene and kicked all her dreams of having glowy-eyed babies to the curb. Now she just kind of hangs out, sometimes with us.
Mary Zero (Who?)
is my Number One Fan. We’re real close. In fact, we’re so close, you could practically say we are As One. She almost never appears in my adventures, but she’s always watching. …Wow, that makes it sound like she’s creepy. But she’s totally not! She’s cooler than Cable’s T-O arm in an industrial-strength freezer! Swear!
The Deadpool Bugle: your one-stop shop for all the latest news on yours truly!
Deadpool and Friends: home of the Deadpool PSAs and other fun commentary.
ScarletVulture’s Comics: with lots of Deadpool comic goodness.
What Would Deadpool Do: Deadpool(mememe!) adventuring in the Star Wars universe.
The Merc with a Mouth Files: A collection of information about people Deadpool (that’s me!) knows.
Lady Deadpool: Lady Deadpool tells it like it is on YouTube.
Credit Where Credit is Due:
Thanks to and , the creators of my awesome mood theme. Also, thanks to Despair, Inc. for my awesome “Ask Deadpool” framey-thingy. Also also, thanks to The Simone Index for some of the little pics.
Pym-Particle-Sized Disclaimer of Giant-Man-Sized Importance:
Sandi says I gotta tell you feebs that “characters in this journal are based on characters from Deadpool, Cable & Deadpool, Agent X, and other Marvel comics. The writing here does not reflect the characterizations or opinions of any Marvel writers or creators. All characters and situations other than those original to this journal are the property of Marvel or any other respective copyright owners. This journal is written solely for fun, not profit, and mainly because someone suggested it be done one day and I said, “Hey, why not?” If anyone ever has a legal problem with the content or existence of this journal, you know where to find me and what to do. Cheers to all; now let’s go have a beer!”
…Well, ok, maybe she didn’t tell me to say that last part. Whatever.